o.m.g.

I can SO not believe how long it’s been since I’ve posted.  So many other things seem to creep in and then again, time just goes by, you know?

My last post was in September.  Just having recently come back from Iceland.

Now it’s frickin’ 2019.  And as of today, 3 years and 3 months –

The first of the year, well, the end of February, I was diagnosed with Stage 1 breast cancer in my right breast and by March 20th, I was on the operating table.  They got it all and I am clean.  No radiation for this chica, but it was decided I needed to go through chemo.

The weeks between the diagnosis (Feb 28) and the surgery (Mar 20) were rough.  Can’t deny.  Everything was happening so quickly.  There was appointment after appointment, and ultrasound after ultrasound, the MRI’s then more biopsies.  It was a whirlwind.  Seeing the oncologist, the physical therapist, the plastic surgeon, the surgeon. . .

I was in denial, still am, but hey. . .  it is what it is.  I had only one breakdown on one day, and had I not been blubbering and sloppy I might have stopped somewhere to get booze.  But I was a wreck and wanted no one to see me the way I was.  I cried into the night, but tell you what – that Tuesday morning I felt awesome 🙂  Goes to show what a good cry can do for you.

I have no history of cancer in my family so it was very disconcerting to find out I had it. I read through as much info as I could get.  There is no way to determine the exact cause, but if I had to bet money on it, I would say it mostly likely happened because of all that I drank over those 40 years.  It was listed as a cause in a number of articles.  There were many other causes, but being that I drank heavily for most of my life, I felt it may have been a (large) contributing factor.

I have now seriously taken steps to decrease my sugar intake.  I used it as a crutch during my sobriety.  Each night was a candy bar or a bowl of ice cream or something sweet to curb the crave for alcohol.  And I’m not exaggerating.  Each night.  So, I marked my calendar on the day I quit.  I was good for about 2 weeks, then I started the chemo.  I may give myself a pass for the next 9 weeks, but I will watch myself.  And when chemo is over, sugar will once again start at Day 1.  It is an addictive substance (to which I am prone).  It has to go.

And there you have my life over the last 6 months.  If it’s not one thing, it’s something else.  I still want to drink.  I romanticize those evenings during the summer when I would have a glass(es) of wine on a patio bar with friends.  Having a glass of water just is NOT the same.

Namaste all

Stay strong 🙂

Debbie