my next steps

As most of you know, when you were drinking you were consuming lots of sugars (especially from the wine).  When you quit drinking, your body screamed for sugar in Cokes, candy, cakes, etc.  You know what I’m talking about, right?

Well, some people can disengage from the addiction to sugar quickly.  Give them 6 months or so and they don’t feel the need to keep up the sugar intake.

Me, on the other hand, I am SO addicted to sugar it’s now become a big deal.  I quit drinking in early February 2016.  My after meal treats started consisted of either:  a full sized candy bar or a huge bowl of ice cream (and whipping cream if handy) or fresh baked cookies or a run to Dairy Queen for a small Butterfinger Blizzard.  Whatever I could get my hands on.  And yes, this was nightly.  It became where I was looking for the 7-Eleven on the way home instead of the LQ so I could get my sugar fix.  Not horribly scary but scary enough.  I tried to quit after about a year free from drinking and could not do it.

Well, it’s been 2 years and 3 months since my last drink and I think it’s time to set my sights on not eating sugar for a while.  You know, strip it from my life as completely as possible then add a little back in at a time until I get to a reasonable intake.

Anyone out there have the same issue as me?  Please share!

So I’ve decided I need a total diet change and I’ve started a Paleo type diet using Wahl’s Protocol as a guide but limiting my sugar intake – that means no fruit.  As some of you know, I also have RA and the inflammation in my hands has gotten worse.  My fatigue is another issue.  I could go on and on with my list of ailments. . .  But I will not 🙂

What I’m getting at is I’ve decided to clean up my diet – especially the processed and sugary foods – to see if that helps my overall health.

So, here’s to saying “Baa Bye” sugar addiction – you are the next thing to go 🙂  Wish me luck!

 

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2 years came and went

and I hardly noticed.  Don’t know if I should have made a big deal about it or not.  I still have some deep thoughts about wanting a drink.  I talk myself out of it rather quickly but the thoughts are STILL there.  I want to relax like I did before but without the continued drinking.  I know I can’t and that’s what stops me from even starting.  I just haven’t found whatever it is that can help me ‘unwind’ at the end of a day like a couple glasses of wine.  aaaahhhh

But on to more exciting stuff.  I’m headed to Iceland this summer for 16 days.  So E.X.C.I.T.E.D.!!!

I will be blogging about it.  I am still trying to figure out a way to upload the photos so they are “real time” but I won’t have a laptop, and I’m using a ‘real’ Canon camera – not my iPhone.  Although the phone may be what I use so some of the pix get on the blog!

My first post goes out April 1 and will continue with a post every few weeks until the big event.  Go to wanderlust after 60 after April 1.

Because of having 2 years of sobriety and feeling more aware and in the “now”, I have the strength and wherewithall to do things like skydiving and rappeling and now, hiking Iceland.

Hope you will join me on my newest adventure!

Namaste,

D

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happy new year

Hadn’t realized so much time has slipped by since I last put fingers to keypad.  But that happens when life takes over and alcohol is not in the picture.

It’s not really been busy, but things occur.  Broke a bone in my elbow the first of November; went to New Mexico over the Thanksgiving holiday to see my sister and some friends, went hiking and also stayed in my travel trailer; went to NYC for a company holiday party and did some site seeing; drove to Nebraska to see my son, daughter-in-law and 2 adorable grandkids for Christmas; then the first of the year, got some sort of flu.   I tested negative but I was sick with a virus nonetheless.  First time I have been that sick in a very, very. . . . very long time.

And here it is, mid-January AND it’s 2018.  Who’da thunk?  Two (2) years for me is just around the corner – 11 more days.  Wowzers, right?  That 4pm witching hour still hits from time to time.  It always goes away after some firm mental blasting on my end.  Annoying for sure.  There is nothing that I’ve found (so far) that takes off that edge/ relaxes me more than that first glass of something.  I miss that.  Don’t miss drinks 2 and beyond though. . .

Christmas was a little rough.  Drinks ran amok the whole 3 days – Mimosas, scotch, wine, beer, you name it.  It wasn’t horrible, but man how I would have liked to have shared in a glass or two.  But, I did not.

My goal for this year?  I am headed to Iceland in August and need to get back in the workout routine to gain my strength back to go hiking while there.   Don’t know about you, but I cannot workout with a hangover.  So another plus to not drink!!

Chin up to those just getting started.  It does get easier.  For some easier than others, but don’t give up!

 

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i remember when

Do you remember the first day when you realized you hadn’t thought about having a drink all day?  I’m not sure why, as I was falling asleep last night, this thought came to me.  I suppose because I didn’t think about drinking yesterday and got to thinking about how WONDERFUL that feels.  That, in turn, got me thinking about when I had my first “didn’t think about a drink all day” day.  Of course, I can’t remember the day, but it had to have been somewhere around the 150/200 day mark as I know it took a while this time. I may have written about it, but I’m not going to go back through all my posts and try to find it.  But, that feeling is so huge.  Knowing as you fall asleep on that night or waking up the next day and realize that you did not think about a drink all day long.  Such a wonderful thing.

I am now at 2 days without thinking about it, possibly 3.  (I’ll have to jot it down so I know for sure!! LOL)  I should probably be at more days but I know, even if it’s for a second, I do still think about it frequently.  So, I’m looking forward to when it’s 5 days or a week. . .

Well, that’s it.

Namaste 🙂

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belly up to the bar

Closing in on day 600 (next Thurs).  I’ve surpassed my previous milestone of around 550 days or whatever it was before I dove head first back into the drinking pool.  woop woop

Last night I was at Applebee’s for their Monday night 1/2 price burgers, belly up to the bar drinking a deliciously cold glass of water, waiting for my greasy burger and fries to arrive.  When, I saw out of the corner of my eye, the bartender clean up a shot glass from a patron and oh my. . . . .   For a moment, just a split second, my thoughts immediately went to asking the her (bartender) to serve me a shot of . . . whatever – didn’t matter.  I had this temporary feeling of relief, excitement, warmth, yum.  It was going to happen.  I felt it.  I was going to throw it all away again.  Then, poof.  The feeling was gone.  I shook my head (not literally) and thought WTF.  That’s SO not going to happen.  And life goes on.  I must say, though, it was a very scary at the same time really odd, feeling.  Seriously, that all happened in like 0.5 seconds.  How quickly that could have totally turned my life upside down.

Namaste y’all

 

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a day in the life

It has been awhile since I’ve actually focused on writing on my blog.  I’ve posted a few snippets these last few months, teasers and sneak peaks! Thought this time I would actually talk about real life events and handling stress without the “aid” (if that’s even what it is) of alcohol.

In January I had high hopes of eventually working remotely (from home) come May. Well, I could do it, but unfortunately it doesn’t work out well for my managers.  Gearing up for that move, I purchased a travel trailer (24′) the middle of February, and put it on my sister’s property in New Mexico (where I hope to eventually end up). Come April, I find out the working remotely idea is not going to happen.  Oh well, the trailer is now my vacation home. 🙂  Trying to put a positive spin on things 🙂

trailer

In April, I put my house on the rental market so that I could rent it out and make a little money on the side.  I moved into a mother-in-law apartment the middle of May.  A small 1 bedroom place while I rent out my 3 bedroom, 2 bath place.  Stresses involved here – I moved out BEFORE I had rented my place, so I was paying rent and my mortgage for May.  My place FINALLY rented on June 1st, thank goodness.  It was truly the 11th hour on this one. Total stresser.   For about 3 months in there (Apr, May, Jun), I was beyond hair pulling and panic attacks.  Think that’s why it hit so hard to have a drink.  See they’re bbbaaaccckkk.  I just wanted something to stop the chatter.  Something to relax me.  Bring on my best bud Jack for a night of drunken bliss.  But of course, that didn’t happen. And I survived.

IMG_0587

I finally started to wind down (note photo above at my new place), knowing things were on an even keel there the first of July.  So, began to enjoy the summer.  Went kayaking,

kayak 1

went hiking,

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

stayed in my new “vacation home” for a few nights, reaquainted myself with friends I hadn’t seen in many, many. . . . MANY years!! It was great!

Then BAM. . .

My landlords need to sell the house.  I have to move (seriously MOVE?) after it sells unless the buyers want to keep me as a renter.

Then BAM…

My neighbors from the ‘old’ neighborhood texted me that police were called to my house for a domestic dispute.  The woman left and has been taken off the lease.  Now the guy left there is the sole renter on my property.  Why would he need a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house? What if he up and leaves? Sure, I have the deposit and security stuff, but that leaves me with no renter again.

CAN I HAVE A DRINK NOW??!!??

I don’t think I’ve learned yet what to do when the shit hits the fan.  I mean, I’ve had stress and stuff happen before and dealt.  But this year has been rough.  Never thought about how to handle it.  It just happens and I move through it. Whereas pre-sober, I always just reached for a bottle, but now what?  Chamomile tea? blah, not a tea drinker.  Go for a run?  Not a runner. Ugh

And there you have it.  Life is full of ups and downs but reaching for a drink unfortunately is not the way to deal with those issues.  For now I’m using will power until I find what works best for me to ease the worry and stress. Sooner rather than later, huh?

Plus, since I started my sober journey back in Feb 2016, a candy bar or ice cream or Otter Pops (ice pops?) or cake or any thing sweet in the evening has been a part of my sobriety. Literally, every night. (Yes, I should weigh a zillion pounds). Now I am more addicted to sugar than I was to alcohol I think.  It’s horrible.  I use Coke/Dr Pepper, candy or other sugary food products to get through my day.  I’m a hyper mess.  And it is totally screwing with my health.  No doubt about it.

My goal to remove my vices, to avoid stresses and enjoy life in general?  No. 1 – don’t worry as that does absolutely no good; No. 2 – positive thoughts every day — it’s just one day at a time 🙂

Namaste and kudos to all you newbies reading!  It can be tough, but it is worth it. Promise!

~debbie

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happy 1 year and 6 months to me

Today is my 546th day of sobriety.   **ERROR ERROR –  I am a week early with this post!  haha   ERROR ERROR**

Some days are worse than others but for the most part, all is well on the sober front.  I know it’s been a while since I last checked in.   But when things are status quo, there’s not a whole lot to talk about.  Had some stresses in May that nearly killed me, but things have since mellowed out.  Been kayaking, hiking, traveling and working.  My 1st grand child turns 13 today.   Wow – a teenager!  And life goes on.

Love to read everyone’s posts.  Keep them coming!

 

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