365

Yessirree, I did it.  Today is the big ONE YEAR, 365 DAY celebration.  Thank God, another milestone achieved.  Passed with flying colors.

It can be done.  You may not imagine that it’s even possible, but let me just say that YES IT IS!!  Sure, there were some extremely rough spots – tears and all – and there were pink cloud days which were phenomenal.  Just see it through.

happy dance

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 27 Comments

a day without thinking about drinking

Well, that day finally came.  I think it was Thursday.  Friday night is when I realized that I had gone the WHOLE day on Thursday without thinking about a drink.  11 months in, but better late than never!

Such a relief.  What a mile marker, a day for the books.  Thank God the horrible cravings at 4:00pm have subsided.  Took a long time – too long as far as I’m concerned.  Not to say that it won’t come back, but for now I’m not thinking about that.

Since my tattoo, I’ve felt empowered.  It’s a wonderful daily reminder that, yes, I am a teetotaler and proud of it.

19 days until I reach the 1 year, 365 day mark.  Another major milestone 🙂

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

“Rebranding Addiction”

I recently read a blog by Hip Sobriety dated Dec 2 titled, “How to Fix the Addiction Epidemic through Rebranding and Social Proof”.  It moved me.  I found this particular blog on Facebook because of the Sober Senorita.  So many great bloggers and wonderful women who share their stories out there.  Bless them 🙂

The blog talked about how we come out of our closets and “how do we own this part of us in a way that doesn’t give in to the stigma and cost us our jobs or reputations.”   Also she goes on to talk about how hard it is to say “I’m an alcoholic” and feel empowered by saying it out loud.  Doesn’t happen.  We feel empowered because we don’t use or drink.

The Social Proof she talks about is like people wearing stickers that say “I Voted!” or the LiveStrong bracelets or Movember. Everyone is involved in a movement.  Well, so are we.  I want to be out there letting others know that sobriety is possible and it’s okay to be a Teetotaler. One of the lines in her blog says, “Maybe the whole lot of us could get on board with calling ourselves something that reflected not a disease or a condition, but a proud choice that we’ve made…..And maybe one day there will be so many of us that are doing this out loud that – just like the cancer people – we won’t lose our jobs for it, or our reputations, or be called the many things they call us now.”

And with all that said, it convinced me to get it out there.  Make a commitment to myself, make a commitment to others to be open with what has/is happening on my road to recovery, and share where I can to educate those who just don’t understand or need help.

That being said, I am proud to be a part of the movement 🙂

teetotaler

My Teetotaler tattoo.  I may throw in a 16 in the upper right corner for the year I got sober, but that’s for another day.

So thank you Sober Senorita and Hip Sobriety for getting the information to me.  I feel empowered already because I am a TEETOTALER 🙂

Read the entire blog here:  http://www.hipsobriety.com/home/2016/12/2/teetotalism-rebranding-addiction

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

have a safe, sober and awesome holiday

Yeah, it’s been a while.  I still have obnoxious cravings mid to late afternoon every day, but it’s become the norm.  I know it’s coming, so I live through it and am fine by the time I get home.

And I’m still sober – on or near 325 days. Closing in on a year the 3rd of February.  All in all, life is good.

Mostly  just wanted to wish all my followers a Merry Christmas and prosperous New Year. My hope is that you find your strength to get through every day sober so you can be present to enjoy all that life has to offer.

Peace on earth

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 7 Comments

too f%#king close

Last night I almost lost it.  It’s been a hard month or so (as noted by my last post).  The stress and anxiety are just getting worse.  I start thinking about drinking around noon now, and it doesn’t stop until after dinner.  This has been going on for what seems like F.O.R.E.V.E.R.  I am so tired of it.   I cried like a baby the other night on my way home because I could not stop for a drink.  It was a pity party.  I have never cried because I couldn’t have a drink before.  I came close to that again last night.  I was even scoping out restaurants where I could go for drinks and dinner.  A serious decision was in the works. Guess I’m fortunate to not have any good restaurants close to my house or I would have stopped.  I was so close to throwing it all in.

Of course, this morning I am grateful that I did not give in.  But it’s not a wipe the brow, issue a “shew” and praise the day type grateful.  I’m just glad I feel good and am hangover free.  I still want a drink.

This sucks.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | 18 Comments

memory lane

I am closing in on 9 months sober this time around.  And it still has its rough spots. That witching hour is just the worst.  Really.  It started again full force about 2 weeks ago. I’m assuming it’s because I’m currently under lots of stress.  Self inflicted stress but stress nonetheless.  It’s a grin and bear it – almost white knuckle – situation. That 4pm to 7pm just sucks.  Hate it, hate it.

Because of this sudden turn of events, I decided to go back in my posts to what 9 months was like the last time I did this  it’s still cyclical. . .  It’s like deja vu.  Same stuff different day.

Knowing that for me, this is “normal”, and knowing that I will get through it no worse for wear gives me hope.  So a thanks to myself for blogging what I was feeling back then as it has come back to help me this time 🙂

Namaste

keep going

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | 13 Comments

a must read. . .

Had to jump in here and let you all know that I just finished reading Mrs. D is Going Without’s book by the same name.  A shout out to Mrs. D for such a wonderful look into the lives of us alcoholics from the end to the beginning.  So honest, so revealing, so truthful, so REAL.

She did a marvelous job of spelling it out – how it feels to be addicted and have that non-stop chatter in your head about the booze FOR MONTHS after putting it down.  Giving tips and hints on how she handled different circumstances.  This was HER story but in so many ways, it is all of ours. Sure, our beginnings may be different, our lowest of lows may be different, but when all is said and done, we all experience the same guilt, despair, hatred, and anger with ourselves for continuing to drink.  We also share the same brain battles at the beginning of sobriety that a normie just doesn’t get.  We totally ‘get’ those pink clouds.  And Mrs. D relates it all in a wonderful tale of survival.

Kudos Mrs. D and thanks so much for writing your story.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments