they’re bbbaaaccckkk

Those sucky, horrible monkey’s chattering in my head.  Oh you know the ones.  “Just go have a drink,” they say.  “Doesn’t a beer sound good tonight?” they snicker.  “Stop at Brewski’s and say hi.  Oh and while there, have them serve up your regular.  You know, the Jack and Coke?” they taunt.

I so want a drink.  I remind myself with my tattoo that I CANNOT go have a drink.  I am a Teetotaler, damnit.  I remind myself that I can’t just have one.  I remind myself that I am not a normal drinker.  I bring up visions of waking up at 3:00am with a throbbing headache and in desperate need of a glass of water (or 2).   But none of that really helps. I know what will happen, but it doesn’t stop the desire.  I’m pretty sure I won’t stop at the LQ or a bar, but the booze-hour has been hitting regularly in the afternoons for a week or so now.

MAKE IT GO AWAY

Sob sob, I hate it.  And what am I at now?   464 or so days  ugh

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happy easter

Hello all.  I see that new people are continuing to follow me and I think that is so cool.  I just feel bad because of my lack of posting something extraordinaire or fun or news worthy or posting at all!!!  hahaha

I am under a huge amount of stress at the moment.  Financial. . . . You’ve heard the saying “The more things change, the more they stay the same”?  Well, not true this time. They couldn’t have changed at a worse time and it is NOT the same.   In a few months from now, I will be settled one way or the other.  Must remain optimistic and be grateful for what I do have.

But because of the added stresses going on, my body has been reverting back to the old ways.  I think about drinking a little more now than I did, say, a month ago.  Not liking it at all.  I try to not to forget to eat in a timely matter;  I try not to get angry at my circumstances;  I try to get enough sleep but tired these days is my middle name.  So out of the acronym HALT, I am doing my best to control HA and T.  Fortunately for now L is not an issue (Loneliness).  Because of my battle with HA and T, the desire has creeped in.

The weather doesn’t help either.  With my frustration, I think how nice it would be to be sitting on an outside patio at a bar and enjoying a cocktail or 2 or 6.  I want to numb SO badly it hurts.  I just want the end of May to get here so I can be past this.

On a side note, I am really glad my tattoo is where I can see it.  It really helps to remind me that I AM a teetotaler.  I cannot forget, no matter the situation.

Namaste to all and I hope you get to enjoy your Easter Sunday with good friends and/or family.  I know I will be.

Hugs

teetotaler

keep going

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checking in

Thanks to all for your well wishes and congratulations on my 1 year mark.  I’ve been busy enough that I haven’t had time to think about drinking.  Thank God.  Must admit that occasionally my mind does wander when I pass my local watering holes – doing a remember when and how nice it would be to stop in.  But it’s only a remembrance and I keep driving.  No witching hour pangs.

I hate all the booze commercials on TV.  I get hit with the “if onlys” when I see those, but Coke has come out with a new one that seems to hit the booze ads in the gut for me.  The BBQ burgers and people enjoying their Coke not a beer 🙂  Every now and then, a Coke does hit the spot!!

All is good in the world.  It’s still there and will never go away, but I seem to have found a nailed box to keep it in that I put on the top shelf and forget about.  Yes, one day at a time, but the days are now much calmer.

Thanks all 🙂  Happy Thursday

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365

Yessirree, I did it.  Today is the big ONE YEAR, 365 DAY celebration.  Thank God, another milestone achieved.  Passed with flying colors.

It can be done.  You may not imagine that it’s even possible, but let me just say that YES IT IS!!  Sure, there were some extremely rough spots – tears and all – and there were pink cloud days which were phenomenal.  Just see it through.

happy dance

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a day without thinking about drinking

Well, that day finally came.  I think it was Thursday.  Friday night is when I realized that I had gone the WHOLE day on Thursday without thinking about a drink.  11 months in, but better late than never!

Such a relief.  What a mile marker, a day for the books.  Thank God the horrible cravings at 4:00pm have subsided.  Took a long time – too long as far as I’m concerned.  Not to say that it won’t come back, but for now I’m not thinking about that.

Since my tattoo, I’ve felt empowered.  It’s a wonderful daily reminder that, yes, I am a teetotaler and proud of it.

19 days until I reach the 1 year, 365 day mark.  Another major milestone 🙂

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“Rebranding Addiction”

I recently read a blog by Hip Sobriety dated Dec 2 titled, “How to Fix the Addiction Epidemic through Rebranding and Social Proof”.  It moved me.  I found this particular blog on Facebook because of the Sober Senorita.  So many great bloggers and wonderful women who share their stories out there.  Bless them 🙂

The blog talked about how we come out of our closets and “how do we own this part of us in a way that doesn’t give in to the stigma and cost us our jobs or reputations.”   Also she goes on to talk about how hard it is to say “I’m an alcoholic” and feel empowered by saying it out loud.  Doesn’t happen.  We feel empowered because we don’t use or drink.

The Social Proof she talks about is like people wearing stickers that say “I Voted!” or the LiveStrong bracelets or Movember. Everyone is involved in a movement.  Well, so are we.  I want to be out there letting others know that sobriety is possible and it’s okay to be a Teetotaler. One of the lines in her blog says, “Maybe the whole lot of us could get on board with calling ourselves something that reflected not a disease or a condition, but a proud choice that we’ve made…..And maybe one day there will be so many of us that are doing this out loud that – just like the cancer people – we won’t lose our jobs for it, or our reputations, or be called the many things they call us now.”

And with all that said, it convinced me to get it out there.  Make a commitment to myself, make a commitment to others to be open with what has/is happening on my road to recovery, and share where I can to educate those who just don’t understand or need help.

That being said, I am proud to be a part of the movement 🙂

teetotaler

My Teetotaler tattoo.  I may throw in a 16 in the upper right corner for the year I got sober, but that’s for another day.

So thank you Sober Senorita and Hip Sobriety for getting the information to me.  I feel empowered already because I am a TEETOTALER 🙂

Read the entire blog here:  http://www.hipsobriety.com/home/2016/12/2/teetotalism-rebranding-addiction

 

 

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have a safe, sober and awesome holiday

Yeah, it’s been a while.  I still have obnoxious cravings mid to late afternoon every day, but it’s become the norm.  I know it’s coming, so I live through it and am fine by the time I get home.

And I’m still sober – on or near 325 days. Closing in on a year the 3rd of February.  All in all, life is good.

Mostly  just wanted to wish all my followers a Merry Christmas and prosperous New Year. My hope is that you find your strength to get through every day sober so you can be present to enjoy all that life has to offer.

Peace on earth

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