It has been awhile since I’ve actually focused on writing on my blog. I’ve posted a few snippets these last few months, teasers and sneak peaks! Thought this time I would actually talk about real life events and handling stress without the “aid” (if that’s even what it is) of alcohol.
In January I had high hopes of eventually working remotely (from home) come May. Well, I could do it, but unfortunately it doesn’t work out well for my managers. Gearing up for that move, I purchased a travel trailer (24′) the middle of February, and put it on my sister’s property in New Mexico (where I hope to eventually end up). Come April, I find out the working remotely idea is not going to happen. Oh well, the trailer is now my vacation home. 🙂 Trying to put a positive spin on things 🙂
In April, I put my house on the rental market so that I could rent it out and make a little money on the side. I moved into a mother-in-law apartment the middle of May. A small 1 bedroom place while I rent out my 3 bedroom, 2 bath place. Stresses involved here – I moved out BEFORE I had rented my place, so I was paying rent and my mortgage for May. My place FINALLY rented on June 1st, thank goodness. It was truly the 11th hour on this one. Total stresser. For about 3 months in there (Apr, May, Jun), I was beyond hair pulling and panic attacks. Think that’s why it hit so hard to have a drink. See they’re bbbaaaccckkk. I just wanted something to stop the chatter. Something to relax me. Bring on my best bud Jack for a night of drunken bliss. But of course, that didn’t happen. And I survived.
I finally started to wind down (note photo above at my new place), knowing things were on an even keel there the first of July. So, began to enjoy the summer. Went kayaking,
stayed in my new “vacation home” for a few nights, reaquainted myself with friends I hadn’t seen in many, many. . . . MANY years!! It was great!
Then BAM. . .
My landlords need to sell the house. I have to move (seriously MOVE?) after it sells unless the buyers want to keep me as a renter.
My neighbors from the ‘old’ neighborhood texted me that police were called to my house for a domestic dispute. The woman left and has been taken off the lease. Now the guy left there is the sole renter on my property. Why would he need a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house? What if he up and leaves? Sure, I have the deposit and security stuff, but that leaves me with no renter again.
CAN I HAVE A DRINK NOW??!!??
I don’t think I’ve learned yet what to do when the shit hits the fan. I mean, I’ve had stress and stuff happen before and dealt. But this year has been rough. Never thought about how to handle it. It just happens and I move through it. Whereas pre-sober, I always just reached for a bottle, but now what? Chamomile tea? blah, not a tea drinker. Go for a run? Not a runner. Ugh
And there you have it. Life is full of ups and downs but reaching for a drink unfortunately is not the way to deal with those issues. For now I’m using will power until I find what works best for me to ease the worry and stress. Sooner rather than later, huh?
Plus, since I started my sober journey back in Feb 2016, a candy bar or ice cream or Otter Pops (ice pops?) or cake or any thing sweet in the evening has been a part of my sobriety. Literally, every night. (Yes, I should weigh a zillion pounds). Now I am more addicted to sugar than I was to alcohol I think. It’s horrible. I use Coke/Dr Pepper, candy or other sugary food products to get through my day. I’m a hyper mess. And it is totally screwing with my health. No doubt about it.
My goal to remove my vices, to avoid stresses and enjoy life in general? No. 1 – don’t worry as that does absolutely no good; No. 2 – positive thoughts every day — it’s just one day at a time 🙂
Namaste and kudos to all you newbies reading! It can be tough, but it is worth it. Promise!