happy monday

Not sure I have any life changing words to share or positive anecdotes to move you.  Let me re-state – I have NONE of the above.  But I do have days where life is good and still alcohol free.  There are days when I just want to throw in the towel.  I have not found anything, YET, that can replace that space between the first drink and the “before you over do it” drink. That ‘feeling’ . . . you know the one.  That place where the you lose some of the noise in your head.  That place where it’s ‘happy’.  Not the place where you’ve completely over done it and you are sobbing your eyes out over whatever hit a nerve. “Boo hoo, I’m so lonely because I’m so stupid because I’m so ugly and boo hoo because no one thinks I’m good enough because I’m lousy at my job because I’m not funny. . .”  Or however your boo hooing goes.   I’m talking about that place that makes a sunset just that much more beautiful because you can enjoy it without the monkey chatter.

Did a day of trail maintenance on Saturday (around 5 hrs).  I was pretty stiff on Sunday but the muscles are finally easing up a bit today.  We were actually creating a new trail.  No maintenance involved.  Not difficult, per se, as the ground was level, no rocks and such.  It was wielding the pick axes and hoes and rakes that aren’t called pick axes, hoes or rakes. Bending over and chopping at grass and weed roots to clear a 4ft to 5 ft wide path for 200 yards.   Fortunately, there was a stiff breeze from time to time that helped to cool us down a little. Temps were in the mid to upper 80’s.  So, I can check off a good deed done for the summer 🙂

Headed on vacation with my 2 oldest grand kids next week.  A must-be-sober event since I am responsible for these two kiddos and the only adult.  (Even thought I was “off” the wagon for last year’s vacation with the kids, I was still in the early stages and able to control when I had a drink which was when I was at my sister’s. I think I had a couple of beers on a hot afternoon one day.)

Let’s see, today is (. . . checking calendar. . .)  I’m at 138 days. Almost 5 months!!  That makes me happy.  I definitely prefer to use the term months instead of days!  Sounds more impressive – whatever floats my boat, right?   🙂  LOL

Namaste

afraid to fail

 

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7 Responses to happy monday

  1. ainsobriety says:

    Awesome
    That quiet will come. For me, it was yoga and therapy.It helped still my mind.
    But There are many days where I repeat the serenity prayer until I believe it!

  2. Nelson says:

    Thanks for checking in. So encouraging to find folks here logging in some good sobriety time. Something for me to look forward to. Thanks!

  3. Ah, the monkey chatter…what a monstrous pain in the arse/head/heart it is! I’m with you on that one x.

  4. Ginger Groundhog says:

    I think you were using my boo hoo dialogue above. You are exactly where I was 138/139 days when I thought it would be good to have ‘just ONE good drinking session’ to get the itch out of my system, before jumping back on the sober bandwagon of course. Took me 14 months to get back on.
    I have reached a massive milestone for me 31 days! I get what you mean about the middle place between the first and the ‘oh goodness me’ drink but it is so short lived and those sunsets I am sure are better remembered that with alcohol.

    Well done as always and keep going strong. Yay for you doing that work for the greater good.

  5. I had to laugh at the boo hooing!
    Oh yes, that was me!
    I know the feeling of which you speak.
    But you recognize it, and are not acting on it!
    That’s wonderful! And so is almost 5 months!
    xo
    Wendy

  6. sillymelove says:

    I too love your boo hooing! I’ve had fits of rage, boo hoo’s, and WTF happened last nights… the chatter is bad… infact today is a bad day for me and I’m doing anything to fight it… ugh

  7. B says:

    I totally understand…I never understood that “space” you were talking about because I didn’t live there. Sometimes I could have 1 or maybe 2 drinks and walk away (rarely). But as soon as a buzz kicked in I would start and never stop until I physically could not drink anymore. The chatter though…oh the chatter. Getting used to actually dealing with that rather than drinking it away has been my struggle as of recent. Sometimes it sucks being “normal”, lol.

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