Can’t believe I’m a week and a half away from 90 days. The time has just flown by. Yesterday during the witching hour, I was battling. Ugh. I tried to put it into perspective and remember that I have gone so long with minimal cravings, and I can continue to do so. This is just a bump in the road sort of thing. But, as you all know TOO WELL, when it hits, it doesn’t matter how long you’ve been without a drink, it hits hard. The feelings of wanting to be a normie just nags at me. Damnit, I want to drink like normal people.
That begs the question, why? Why would I want to drink like a normie? When I drank, I did not do so for the pleasure of having a glass of wine with a nice steak and enjoying the meal. I drank to get drunk get a buzz that I did not want to go away. So, drinking like a normie for me would make no sense. I do not particularly enjoy the taste of any of it (except a beer). I have a hard time imagining myself having a glass or two of wine with a meal and then stopping. That let down after drinking even 2 drinks is a yucky feeling. It’s that drag in your system. Who wants to feel that?
But then, if I were a normie to begin with and had no experience with the alcohol demon, I guess it would all be different. Hmm I don’t know. It’s all so frustrating sometimes. I wish this, I wish that. . . Then I remember it is what it is, and I’m dealing with it the best I can.
Today is another day. I went to bed at 8:45 last night (fell asleep about 9:45) and slept until the alarm went off. Not sure if I was just bored or very tired. I feel good though 🙂 Looking forward to a warm weekend of some biking and maybe a workout at Red Rocks.
dangling on the edge 
You are doing so well! Congratulations. I know what you mean about wanting to be a normie. It just kills me sometimes to not be able to do what ‘normal people’ do. I suppose that feeling will never entirely go away. But the ‘volume’ does rise and fall, and I know that feeling will quiet down for you. Keep going, you are dong fantastically well!
Thanks, and so are you 🙂 Feels good, right!!!
So happy for you that you are doing so awesome! It is hard to accept our addiction. But for me acceptance is key, then I fluctuate between feeling free and liberated with the moments of wishing things were different. It is what it is. We may as well embrace it and make the best of it, right?
Nail on the head! 🙂
I am a mix of “oh wow, well done you, you are doing sooooo well!” and “grrrrr I’m so angry that you are succeeding when I am failing” as I mentioned before, you and I should be on the same day count (or at least ONE of my day counts, there are a lot ) so I follow you very closely. I AM pleased for you and you seem to be doing it in a very balanced and considered way. Be proud of your achievements so far and I do believe you will master this as you have the right mindset and past experience to know the alternative. Keep going, you are and inspiration to me and others alike.
Thanks for visiting GG !! Appreciate your comments and I hope I can continue to inspire you. That’s what my blogging is all about! Keep me posted on how you are doing!
You are doing great!
I think even normies would do better without drinking!
xo
Wendy
I agree with you Wendy. 90’s great Deb, go girl!
🙂
You are probably right! hahaha
I understand completely. I think about drinking like a normie as well and I’m like…but why?? After just one glass I get sluggish and sleepy and just foggy. I need at least a bottle to wake up and be fun and uninhibited and…totally out of control. 😦 Normie drinking doesn’t make sense to my alcoholic brain.
I also get it about the random urges too. Today is day 67 for me and the cravings are way, way down. I think about drinking in a recovery sense and recognize when a trigger is happening (even if it’s not actually triggering anything) but I don’t feel that overwhelming desire to buy booze. But boy oh boy when a craving does hit…omg. Someone else wrote about how those are almost worse because they are unexpected and come out of nowhere. For the first 30 days you are on guard…you expect those but holy geez when you stop thinking about it every day it sneaks up on you!!
Way to go on your sobriety so far! I’m right behind you!! 🙂
Hi B!! It’s always so nice to hear that other people experience things the same way. Reassuring, I suppose, to know I’m not alone. Thanks for the comments and keep me up-to-date on your progress!