Even though I tried to quit many, many times over the last 10 years, there are only 2 times that have left a lasting impression. The first being September 18, 2013 to April 1, 2015. My first big step into the sober arena. It was where I met all you wonderful bloggers. AA is/was not for me, the SMART meetings were too far away and I didn’t know where to turn. It occurred to me to browse the web. It took a number of tries to find what I was looking for, then BAM – I was here. I found Fern, Lily, Kristen, Christine, Belle . . . . It saved my life and I hope that those of you just beginning your journey (or just finding us here), will read those blogs that resonate with you and begin writing for yourself. It’s amazing the support you will receive.
I learned during my first long attempt with sobriety to find things to do to stay busy; to change my routines and habits; to take a different way home. I tried to do the soul searching thing to find out why I drank in the first place, or why I used drinking to self-medicate, or why the hell I was self-medicating in the first place. So many questions, so few answers. I knew I was lonely so I joined a number of Meetup.com groups in hopes of finding women I could relate to and enjoy spending time with. (I am quite the recluse.) It took 3 years of being with the same group doing cool stuff until I finally felt like I was a part of the group; that I was liked and they enjoyed having me around.
The second try with sobriety this time started 40 days ago, February 4, 2016 and will go on indefinitely. There is something completely different about this time around. The leading up to quitting as well as the first few weeks are a 180 to what I experienced the first time. Quitting drinking this time was much harder and I drank way more. But once I had 7 days behind me, it’s been like I just picked up where I left off the first time. Also, the Meetup.com group I’m in does so many things that I have something fun to do every weekend. This includes making a drum (drum birthing), going to movies, snowshoeing, hiking, book club, board games, spice jar painting, glass blowing, trips to the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta, Zombie escape rooms, breakfasts and bike rides.
I look at things differently than I did even 2 years ago. I like myself better for one thing.I’m certainly not 100% or anything close, but I am making strides in the right direction. Again, I’m not saying it’s been easy but it has certainly been easier. Sure I have moments during the day where I would give anything to have a drink, but with focus, I just shut it down. Whether you use willpower, your faith, your belief in you, or whatever, just use it. It may not be easy, but it IS worth it.