A test of my strength –
I am not a finicky eater, but I am a lousy cook and do not enjoy the process. I will eat what I cook, initially, but if I have leftovers (and it wasn’t a particularly tasty meal the first time), I may not want to come home to it for dinner that 2nd night. My crock pot dinners were okay but certainly not repeat dinners. Other meals I’ve cooked and kept for another day are not that appetizing either. I generally keep them frozen for lunches if I get desperate.
That being said, last night I did not want to come home to my left over chicken pesto and asparagus. So I chose to get a salad somewhere. That meant going to a restaurant that serves alcohol. But I had to eat, and I wasn’t going to eat what I had at home so I pulled up my big girl panties and went to Old Chicago’s. They have more of a beer selection than any restaurant I know of.
I went into the bar area because it’s easier to get a small table for one. The server propositioned me with a cold beer, but I turned her down 🙂 I got a glass of water and an Italian Chef salad. I ate, drank my water, boxed the remains and headed home. (By the way, if you live near and eat at an Old C’s, DO NOT get the Italian Chef salad.) The thought crossed my mind to have a drink, but I really didn’t want one. I just wanted to eat and get out of there. The plan succeeded.
Personal opinion – I don’t know if I believe that alcoholism is a disease. I suppose it is, but it can’t be treated with a drug. It can’t be reversed or removed. It’s there. Yet, as a stand-alone, it does not kill you. It doesn’t do anything but be a pain in my ass. It’s a switch that must remain off. That’s it. I do not believe in surrendering to it or letting a higher power be my strength to combat it. I believe there are triggers and outside stimuli that encourage whatever it is in our system to become active, making the desire to have a drink a top priority. So, understanding these triggers, recognizing how I can deal with them, focusing on my goal – whether that goal is to get food into my system NOW or save that dollar I would spend on a drink to get more money into savings or retirement – is of utmost importance.
Yes, there is the witching hour and yes, being in social situations where everyone is drinking is rough. But for me, I know it’s a state of mind, self-determination, a desire to be sober. It has to be or this won’t work. It’s recognizing what prompts that need and knowing how to remove it. How to keep the switch off. I remind myself constantly that alcohol for me is poison. It is ruining my internal organs as well as my outward appearance. It severely damages my brain cells. It makes me lazy and unproductive and forgetful.
So, forward momentum is the phrase for the day and lots of sugar 🙂