Looking forward to another sober weekend. The week did not go well. Not bad, but I did drink. It’s a powerful SOB, I’ll tell ya. I know we all feel it when we are combating that desire to get a drink. It truly is such an odd “takeover”. I am confident one minute, driving home, focused on just getting there, and the next I’m either pulling in to the local tavern or pulling up to the drive through window. I have this twinge/pain/uneasy/weird/nondescript/hard to explain feeling in my stomach that is telling me I must stop and get alcohol. It really is a very uncomfortable feeling. I fight this feeling knowing that after I eat something and have some water, it will pass. But I want it to go away NOW. And the best ‘cure’ is alcohol. I almost don’t even need to drink it, I just need to have it in my possession and that icky feeling goes away. I may cuss and swear on the way home, but deep in side my body, I’m okay again. Or maybe I am the only one who feels this way?
I’ve tried to eat snacks to curb the feeling, but they don’t work like you would think. Sometimes I eat peanuts on the way home on the bus to curb that nasty ‘must have’ feeling. Doesn’t work. (Part of the H.A.L.T. thing – Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, Tired)
As stated in my last post, weekends and I get along much better. I have lots to do this weekend – making Christmas gifts for the grandkids, a 3 hour bike ride, raking leaves – well, you get it. Weather is going to be nice.