october 30 2015

Looking forward to another sober weekend.  The week did not go well.  Not bad, but I did drink.  It’s a powerful SOB, I’ll tell ya.  I know we all feel it when we are combating that desire to get a drink.  It truly is such an odd “takeover”.  I am confident one minute, driving home, focused on just getting there, and the next I’m either pulling in to the local tavern or pulling up to the drive through window.   I have this twinge/pain/uneasy/weird/nondescript/hard to explain feeling in my stomach that is telling me I must stop and get alcohol.  It really is a very uncomfortable feeling.  I fight this feeling knowing that after I eat something and have some water, it will pass.  But I want it to go away NOW.  And the best ‘cure’ is alcohol.  I almost don’t even need to drink it, I just need to have it in my possession and that icky feeling goes away.    I may cuss and swear on the way home, but deep in side my body, I’m okay again.   Or maybe I am the only one who feels this way?

I’ve tried to eat snacks to curb the feeling, but they don’t work like you would think.  Sometimes I eat peanuts on the way home on the bus to curb that nasty ‘must have’ feeling.  Doesn’t work.  (Part of the H.A.L.T. thing – Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, Tired)

As stated in my last post, weekends and I get along much better.  I have lots to do this weekend – making Christmas gifts for the grandkids, a 3 hour bike ride, raking leaves – well, you get it.  Weather is going to be nice.

Happy Halloween

pumpkin painting cropped

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3 Responses to october 30 2015

  1. jmcraig2014 says:

    Good luck with the weekend, maybe you’ll get some momentum going

  2. maryg says:

    Diabetics eat sugar and know they shouldn’t and get back on track the next moment, day, whatever and stop again. Most don’t beat themselves up over it. Someone who is overweight goes off their diet and a lot of them do beat themselves up over it. It’s funny to me that those who quit smoking try over and over again and really don’t feel much shame. The successful ones start all over again when they feel like it. Why are drinkers different?? Those trying to quit drinking and then drink again beat themselves up over it..it doesn’t do any good. Don’t fight it. Just do want you know is best for you and will make you feel better. Life is too short to be mad at yourself.

  3. Becky says:

    I feel EXACTLY like that! It comes out of nowhere when I am driving or walking the dog! And even the bit where you said having it in your possession is almost enough to ‘cure’ the uncomfortable feeling! I think in that situation the best thing is to try and talk to someone – anyone – as a distraction….not easy when you’re driving…! But it might just be enough to stop the merry-go-round argument of ‘drink/not drink’ in your head long enough to overcome it.

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