Not like I have lots to say that would interest any one at this stage. But, I see that there are a number of you out there at least checking out my blog from time to time so wanted to get in a few words of wisdom; some take-away’s maybe.
I can’t say that this time around it’s any harder. I just remember it being hard the last time – when it finally stuck. It took around 8 months of lots and lots and LOTS of day one’s. But one day, it held on for one more and then one more continuing for another 1 year and 5 months. Then I had a drink. Not a big deal I thought. Went about 2-3 weeks, then had another drink. Hm, no big deal. Then every couple weeks became once a week, and the once a week became every couple days. Now, there is seldom, if ever, a day between. It took about 6 months to get to that stage. I am now at 7 months UN-sober.
I’m ever so slowly killing myself, but for some reason, it would appear I’m okay with that ?!? I mean – think about it. (I need a mind-cleanse :))
I was at my usual haunt last night. Now, I stop in there maybe 3 times a week, have 2 to 3 drinks and go home. This guy was sitting beside me last night, he’s seen me in there a time or two, and said to me, “You come in here like every night, right?” Holy crap. “NO! Not every night!” I didn’t say that, I politely said, “I do come in a few nights a week, yes” Sure, the bartenders see me all the time, but a random guy? He must also come in every night so he sees me when I do show up. It just hit an alcoholic’s nerve, I guess. Makes me think a bit more. . .
And what struck me was that if I were working at night (yes, like a bartender, but it’s only because I was sitting at the bar), I would not be inclined to want to drink. I mean, seriously, I’d have to keep track of money and credit cards and people and drinks. I can’t do that AND drink. Yes, the stuff is in front of me, but if I’m working and as busy as they are, I wouldn’t want to drink – anything. And I wouldn’t drink before I went in to work, because that would just suck. So, what I need is an 18 hour job that requires my attention or causes me to be busy enough that I can’t have a drink in hand. Yeah, sounds pretty simple to me 🙂
And the weekend begins. . .