Gulp, so here goes my confession:
I’ve been pretending that I didn’t fall off my wagon. As noted in my previous posts, I’ve had a few nights since mid-February where I’ve chosen alcohol as my beverage of choice. It was not an every night or even an every week occurrence (February 18, March 23, April 3). I was handling it well. No big deal. Then it became once every couple weeks then one night every week (April 13, 20, 29). Then 2 nights every week (May 5, 14, 18, 19, 22 & 27), and you know the rest. Four (4) out of all those nights, I over drank. Not by a lot (as compared to my previous life), but I over drank enough so that I woke up in the wee hours and didn’t feel 100% the next day. Four, again, is no big deal, but I can see it becoming more frequent and that I DO NOT want.
Not good. Not good AT ALL. So during last night’s fall, I took a picture of my drink and posted it on Facebook. I had to make it public. I could no longer pretend I was sober. It had to ‘get out there’ so I didn’t have anything more to hide behind. Scary. . .not as scary as day one back in September of 2013 but scary nonetheless.
So, without further ado, I am starting back on day 1. At least I think I’m counting from 1 again. Honestly, I can no longer pretend the drinking episodes didn’t happen and continue counting my days as I was. I would be at 626 days today, but I’m not. Next time I’m at that many days, it will be mid-February 2017.
I abandoned my blogging and my sobersphere friends these past months, and that was a huge no-no. Because of my embarrassment for drinking and not admitting it, and feeling that I let not only myself, but everyone who reads this, down. Thinking I had moved beyond it all – H.A.H.A. I may be old but wise is something else entirely. Belle even reached out to me, and it’s been ages since the two of us connected. (Seriously, I’m #55 on her list of hundreds now!) So happy that she did. It just reminded me that I can’t do this alone.