I see newly sober people following my blog and then I let them down and don’t write anything. That is SO not helpful for them. I’ve just had lots of ups and downs, then lots of just plain regular days, that it’s hard to write what I’m thinking and feeling. I am at 545 days. . . . nuts, crazy nuts

Sometimes I just want to relapse because I think that maybe I wasn’t really ready to get sober. Back in 2006 I came to the conclusion that I probably needed to quit drinking. I thought about that for about 5+ years. Then in 2012, I thought about it some more. This time with a little more seriousness. I went into moderation mode. Well, you know – thinking I was going to moderate. Yeah, that didn’t happen. I knew I needed to clean up my act and stop drinking. Officially, I started to really be pro-active about NOT drinking. It took me from April of 2013 to September 2013 to finally do it. Besides the 43 days I accumulated during May and June, every day was a Day 1 during that time. Each morning I would resolve not to drink, and by my drive home, I was at the LQ buying something. Or I would make the excuse that I was going to go out for dinner, which in alcoholic terms means {for me}, going out for drinks and some dinner.

Finally, I had my last 2 week binge where I drank more than normal and woke up thinking, “Okay, this is it.” And I did it. Reading back over some of my posts, it was totally rough for a very long time. Yes, it’s gotten easier, but unfortunately nothing has changed in my life or in my life style. As time goes on, I feel like I’m reverting back to the early days of my ‘recovery’. I think about drinking much more than I should be. Not sure what’s going on exactly. I shall see, I suppose. One day at a time.

Namaste y’all 🙂


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6 Responses to 545

  1. ainsobriety says:

    Perhaps it’s time to change things up? Go to meetings? Therapy? Blog more often.
    If you feel like you are losing ground, you just might be.
    Do something to support you. I think it’s easier to stay sober than to get sober again.

    • Debbie says:

      I am working on changing things up a bit with swimming at the local rec center. Blogging more would be good too! THanks for the suggestions and for chiming in!

  2. I Agree with ains, I’m at 600 and get bored too so I try to shake things up a bit. For me it’s taking a class or new exercise adventure or set my sights on something I want as a reward. I still pamper myself every now and then and it helps.

  3. pickledfish2015 says:

    One day at a time. This is all I can do now. Not thinking about future much. Just a day ahead of me.

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