Unfortunately, I really don’t have much to share. I do appreciate those who are now following me though. My posts from Sept 18 2013 to Sept 18 2014 are probably more helpful than anything I can say now.
Life is okay. I’m not jumping up and down or doing cartwheels or anything, but things are good. I had a hard time this past month with constant desires to drink. I still do, but they have lessened somewhat. I had 3 Christmas parties this past weekend. All 3 served alcoholic beverages, and I was the only one to not drink. That was tough. Not as tough as last year when I only had some 50+ days under my belt. It is different. I am able to see other’s drink and not want one, but deep inside I want to drink. That probably makes no sense; I can’t quite describe the feeling. It’s not like it was in the early days. It’s a different feeling. It’s still a reminder that I cannot have a drink though.
I think the reason why I have yet to drink is because of all the people that now know I don’t drink – I don’t want to disappoint them or have them think badly of me or have them give me the “oh, it’s okay” speech. Really don’t want that. But I still want to drink. I have been extremely negligent on reading everyone’s posts. I read them religiously and then I just stopped. I guess I have to go back to square one and remind myself of all those things I need to do to keep my strength up, and reading everyone’s blogs is up there on the list. I need to keep praying and being grateful. Mostly I think I just need to get out of my head. I’m still wallowing in there, feeling sorry for myself that I can’t drink.
Ah well. I’m at 445 days and counting.