Another day, another . . . . day sober 🙂 I have no news to report. I just felt I needed to write. I get new followers all the time and feel that they are looking for answers, for help, for an “aha”, or just plain want confirmation that they are not alone. I want to be there for everyone. I want all to know that booze really sucks the life out of you and it’s bad news. You know this, right? And until you can get to the point where you just can’t take it any longer, you can talk yourself blue in the face with what you know but are unable to act upon. That is okay. Most all of us begin our sober journey many times over until it finally sticks. Until you finally read a sober blog that just resonates with you. Until you finally know in your heart and mind that this cannot go on. You understand that voice in your head (wolfie) is NOT you. It is that voice which tries to convince you one drink is okay. That you deserve it, that you need it, that you MUST have it to get through whatever. Knowing it’s there, knowing that you are not a bad person, knowing it can be controlled is more than half the battle. Sure, it’s hard but remember, it’s the alcohol talking. You are not weak nor are you stupid. You know what’s going on. It’s just a matter of being ready to deal with it and conquer it. And everyone does it a different way.
I’ve said it many times before. . . . I still want a drink. I still want to be able to drink. But I can’t — EVER. Knowing that people can go 5 years, 10 years, 25 years and make that one small but HUGE mistake of thinking they can have a drink. It’s always there and we always have to be aware that it’s there. Yeah, sucks to be us. But it is what it is.
I am and always will find ways to overcome. The longer I’m sober, the more reasons I have to remain sober. I may have the alcohol “gene” but I believe I was the one who activated it by starting my drinking career at a very young age. It’s odd, because I knew that if I did drugs, like coke or heroin or something, I would become addicted to them. I knew myself – even back when I was 15 years old. I knew I couldn’t handle doing drugs, so I never even considered doing them. I wasn’t afraid of the drug itself, I was afraid I would become an addict. Yet, I did not know that alcohol was already doing to me what the drugs would have. So aware, yet so naive.
But, here I am today – closing in on 58 years – and sober.