As I mozy through life as a ‘normal’ person, things do appear to be better. I so love reading other people’s blogs and saying to myself, “I totally feel the same way” or “Well that explains a lot (for me)”. Others just have a way of getting down to the nitty gritty of their realities, and they explain them so well that it really resonates with me. I love it! Things I also feel but am unable to express.
On Monday night, I went to a bar. Not a restaurant with a bar, it was an actual bar where “bar food” is served. I met up with my daughter and her family for dinner there. She was having a marg and he was having a draft beer. The boys were having Shirley Temples! So as not to feel left out, I had my first NA beer. I was a little nervous about it. Going to a bar was a bit intimidating in and of itself, but having a beer? What if the taste of the NA beer beckoned me to drink a ‘real’ beer. Fortunately, no such thing happened. The O’Doul’s actually tasted okay, and I enjoyed some quesadillas without the need to belly up.
Back to the sugar. A typical day – like yesterday – I had a healthy mid-morning breakfast. A hard boiled egg and a mix of bananas and strawberries. Then for lunch, I had my left over salmon and sweet potato. Then it hits. 1:30pm – time for a snack. Hm, what shall it be? Peanut M&Ms or a bag of mini oreos? I start with the M&Ms. I grab about 7 of them. 15 minutes later, I’m thinking, “Hm, maybe one more grab.” I get about 8 of them. 3:30pm-4:00pm rolls around. I’m dragging big time. I need something. I head to the office kitchen and grab a bag of the oreos. I was SO darn tired all afternoon. Hm, can anyone tell me why? LOL DUH!!!
So, today, NO – ABSOLUTELY NO – bad snacks of ANY kind. I have a banana and some raisins if I need something. I also have ice cream at home and after dinner I will have a bowl to satiate the sugar craving. I have to stop noshing on sweet and sugary snacks throughout the afternoon. (That was yesterday. I couldn’t do it. I ate about 15 M&M’s. Ugh)
The life of a normal person. Who knew? Same problems with food, same problems with worry, same problems with home ownership, same monetary concerns, same work issues. None of those things change with sobriety. It’s just how you cope with it that does. Next week I hit 300 days. A true miracle. I never thought it could be done. I wish it didn’t have to be done.
On a side note – I was reading Belle’s latest post. This one dealt with someone sadly experiencing many day 1’s. Oh, how I remember that feeling like it was yesterday. Thinking you just can’t do it. Feeling so stupid and inadequate when you succumb to the drink knowing you shouldn’t. Thinking you are the only one. And then that moment when you realize that you CAN do this. Knowing that NOW you have the tools you need and the will to fight off your demons. I am so thankful (and grateful) I am no longer on day 1.