I am headed to my home town this weekend. A friend of mine I’ve spoken about before here has passed away. He was an alcoholic but was sober for many many years. Over 20 for sure. Recently, he went through some major stuff and started drinking again. He went to rehab in February and came out full of determination and positivity. He was only 57 and died in his home, in his living room chair. No determination has been made yet as to the cause. I hope it was not self inflicted.
He and I met as kindergartners, and he lived just 4 houses down from me until I moved away in 8th grade. You know those secret questions they ask for password safety and stuff? You know the one that says “the name of your first boyfriend.” Well I always put Jeff. We only recently reunited in 2004 for a class reunion and then we stayed in touch from 2008 until now. When his wife called me, and said this is Tina, Jeff’s wife, I instinctively knew he was gone.
Going back to my old stomping grounds where I truly began to drink heavily, it will be a test to make it through this sad day without drinking. I will only be there a short period of time and will remain busy until I’m flying back home.
I want to drink right now, actually . . . but I know I won’t. The desire is still there and the wanting to is still there, but it’s no longer the gun to my head feeling. I know I can’t and I know I won’t and my brain fortunately jumps in and says, “Don’t be a stupid shit NOW”
So, I’ll get through this funeral with no alcohol consumption. One way or another.
ps – side note – thanks to all who follow me. I know my writing has slowed down quite a bit, but I do so appreciate your looking in because then I can hop over to your site to learn about you!