I was enjoying 365reasons2sober’s post this morning and it resonated with me. She has accomplished 100 days today (big SHOUT OUT!!) and continues to feel like she’s “treading water” and “has yet to take the plunge” with this sobriety thing. I feel the same way and I’m on 220+ days.
But, that’s okay. It’s another day, I’m still here, and I’m still sober. Whatever gets me through the day, right?
I have come to believe that until I reach the one year mark, I am still in my hole continuing to dig myself out. And when I reach day 365, I will actually begin to live my sober life. It will be my day one, but not a day one to begin a count. It will be my Genesis. My beginning. My struggles will be fewer and the frequency less often. It won’t be a fight every day to stay the path. I will have my tools, I will have created new routines that are now a set part of my life, old habits dead and new ones have taken their place, and I will have a different mindset towards my future. I will have had this year to clean out the cupboards, so to speak. I will have molded a different lifestyle for myself.
Right now, I’m still crafting, organizing, thinking, creating, cleaning and digging to a better life. I’m currently busy staying the course, righting my wrongs and battling my demons. I’m creating a new way of thinking and being. I know I will be a work in progress the rest of my life. I know the one year mark is not the end all, be all. I am not setting myself up for disappointment. I understand that my one year soberversary will not be marked with fireworks, a singing choir, rainbows and white doves. It will come and go as the previous days (with the exception of a HUGE treat 🙂 ) But for me, I have not been ‘living’ because I have been struggling with the beast. My one year is in 4 1/2 months. A good, long while to continue to grow, learn and change my life.
I’m still so new at this and still scared sometimes – actually, more often than not. But I am stronger now than I was 7 1/2 months ago. And each day I’m more sure this is where I need to be.