a few positives

Today is somewhere around 222 days. I have always considered myself a pretty optimistic person – glass half full kind of thing. I think I view things around me optimistically but my insides dwell on the negative. It’s the “I’m fine” syndrome. I illustrate an “even keel” type persona – not too much, not too little. No one wants to hear that I feel shitty and my life sucks. Little by little, that is changing. . . .for the better, and I find I am not in that negative space as frequently.

Many of you post how much better you feel, how much better you look, etc. etc. I’m only just beginning to notice the ‘feel better’ thing. When I list the positives of not drinking, no where would it say that my complexion looks better or I have a less puffy face. No where would it state that my eyes are clear and bright as I still wake with blood-shot eyes; albeit, maybe not AS blood-shot. To me, I look the same. Hmmm. Am I not looking close enough? Am I looking TOO close?

But those things being said, below is a list of the things I do find as positives by not drinking:

1. I do sleep better. I don’t fall asleep as quickly (for obvious reasons) but I do sleep more soundly and I am more rested when I wake.
2. I like waking up UN-hungover. That is a true bonus. 80% of the time while drinking, I didn’t really feel all that bad (nothing that a big glass of water and 2 acetominaphin wouldn’t cure.) But I was chronically tired, and that did make the day long. I was never 100%. And now I am. When I get to work, I am ready to work. A plus.
3. I am more PRESENT at everything I do. Especially with the grandkids and that is huge. I can run with them and play with them like I was never able to before. Oh, I thought I was okay, but now that I’m sober, the difference is night and day.
4. At the Christmas party last year, I felt good about not drinking, and driving home sober was well worth it. Kind of its own little ‘high’. (Normally I would try to maintain in front of bosses and co-workers while secretly topping off my wine glass so it looked like I hadn’t had much to drink.)
5. I have more energy to devote to my goals for my life ahead.

Not a very long list, but it’s a step in the right direction. A forward direction 🙂

I think we all hit on something when we speak of being “present”. This is huge. And I am grateful to be present today. And I look forward to being present tomorrow. The battles in my head have lessened a bit this past week. Don’t know why, don’t care.

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7 Responses to a few positives

  1. We all have our ways of viewing our progress. I used to get jealous of those who skyrocketed into sobriety and had life’s rich pageant at their fingertips soon after, while I struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts, physical withdrawals, etc. But we can only compare to ourselves. My skin isn’t luminescent. Never will be I suppose. But there are things that are different today. So take heart – all is well. That might not be a massively long list, number wise, but who cares. It’s heavy with quality. And that’s what it’s all about – quality of life 🙂

    Blessings,
    Paul

  2. momma bee says:

    So glad to hear your doing well- it is all the little things that add up!

  3. Jean says:

    Debbie, so glad to see your list. No hangover is huge and being present with feelings and not drowning them is huge.

  4. Miss Soul says:

    Great accomplishment. One day at the time. God bless.

  5. Mrs D says:

    I was surprised at the slowness of the improvement in my appearance .. weight loss, skin etc.. the only thing that got better fast was sleep.. and now I’m still amazed when I wake up every morning after a solid 8 hours of sleep. Congrats on your 222+ days xxxx

  6. Pingback: The Impostor Syndrome and Self Destructive Behavior | NoMoreSally

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