Still here, still kicking, still sober. . . but some days I come so close.
I know why I go through periods of desperately wanting a drink(s). You know, the HALT thingy. Hunger does cause a mild desire to want a glass or two but is not overwhelming as it’s easily fixable. Anger isn’t an issue. I rarely, if ever, get angry. And I’m not harboring any resentments or anger from my past. So, jumping to the end – T for tired. Again, it’s like hunger, fixable. But lonely – that is my issue and has been for most of my life. I know it but can’t seem to change it. It’s a mental thing, not physical. And lonely seems to be a constant in my life. It’s not like hungry or tired where the feeling can be immediately satiated. Lonely causes some hellacious cravings. Yesterday was one of those days. . .again.
There should be a W in HALT somewhere. W would be for weather. It’s getting nice out there. My days during the summer used to consist of sitting on my patio and having that beer or wine or cocktail and just kicking back. That hit me yesterday afternoon as well. Feeling lonely and wanting to sit outside and watch the sun go down. My recipe for relaxing (aka avoidance).
I’ve thought of going to a therapist but I know my issue. No point in having them remind me of it, too. (And, to be truthful, a therapist may tell me things I don’t want to hear.) I’m not the best at asking for help 😦 I suppose re-examining and reminding myself of what is in my tool box is in order. As noted by FFF with her comment “Fake it till you make it” to Lilly and Mrs D’s advice to “.. put a smile on your face and a spring in your step and get chatty and fun and happy!” – sentiments I need to take to heart.
My life is only what I make of it, and I cannot continue to wallow in my self pity.