attitude adjustment

Still here, still kicking, still sober. . . but some days I come so close.

I know why I go through periods of desperately wanting a drink(s). You know, the HALT thingy. Hunger does cause a mild desire to want a glass or two but is not overwhelming as it’s easily fixable. Anger isn’t an issue. I rarely, if ever, get angry. And I’m not harboring any resentments or anger from my past. So, jumping to the end – T for tired. Again, it’s like hunger, fixable. But lonely – that is my issue and has been for most of my life. I know it but can’t seem to change it. It’s a mental thing, not physical. And lonely seems to be a constant in my life. It’s not like hungry or tired where the feeling can be immediately satiated. Lonely causes some hellacious cravings. Yesterday was one of those days. . .again.

There should be a W in HALT somewhere. W would be for weather. It’s getting nice out there. My days during the summer used to consist of sitting on my patio and having that beer or wine or cocktail and just kicking back. That hit me yesterday afternoon as well. Feeling lonely and wanting to sit outside and watch the sun go down. My recipe for relaxing (aka avoidance).

I’ve thought of going to a therapist but I know my issue. No point in having them remind me of it, too. (And, to be truthful, a therapist may tell me things I don’t want to hear.) I’m not the best at asking for help 😦 I suppose re-examining and reminding myself of what is in my tool box is in order. As noted by FFF with her comment “Fake it till you make it” to Lilly and Mrs D’s advice to “.. put a smile on your face and a spring in your step and get chatty and fun and happy!” – sentiments I need to take to heart.

My life is only what I make of it, and I cannot continue to wallow in my self pity.

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9 Responses to attitude adjustment

  1. Find an activity to do outside to enjoy, this really helps me like reading on a rocking chair I always love a good book or blogging outside. Another thing I found to be helpful was to find a drink or a mix if drinks that are fun just no alcohol. I found this amazing real ginger ale called Bruce Cost Ginger Ale unfiltered I like it cause it has a kinda burn the way drinking something straight up, I save it for times when I know I’m going to be around drinkers. I also put my juice or soda in a fancy glass around others so people don’t ask why I’m not drinking or offer my a drink it really helps. Best of luck I your journey ❤️

  2. Hang in there. And I agree with beingblonde70; going outside seems to help lift the fog. The good part is you are aware of what’s going on. That’s half the battle! You got this.
    Linda

    • Debbie says:

      Thanks, Linda. Now that the weather IS nicer, going for a 20 minute walk when I get home might get the blood flowing and lift the booze fog 🙂

  3. Oh, spring is hard for me too! Few years in sobriety and is still get that feeling every spring time. And at the beach and baseball games and outdoor concerts and… damn list goes on and on. It feels so uncomfortable, like and itch all over. This is what change feels like someone told me once. And that somehow makes me feel ok, because I known I am changing my life for the better.

    Also I started planting things from seeds during the spring time. Watching my plants grow gives me lots of hope. These tinny little things have to get through all that dirt to reach the sun!

    And yes, fake it till you make it works great too! Put a smile on your face and keep going! Hang in. Hugs.

  4. Debbie says:

    Thanks for the ideas, Maggie. An itch is a fitting metaphor! I actually am starting a garden next weekend. The ground is ready, just need to wait until the snow goes away!! Thanks for the words of encouragement – ALWAYS needed 🙂

  5. Jean says:

    Debbie, feeling alone is tough. I feel like sometimes being busier is a kind of cure, it gets me away from pondering too much. I am a huge believer in a daily walk or some kind of moderate exercise. Also, this is a year of firsts, first warm days on your patio without drinking. Maybe you will have to change your patio routine a little if it is a big trigger for you. It is so hard to think about never drinking, my neighbor was telling me about a wine tasting event and my other friend invited me to a winery to hear some music. But, I know that I feel so much better not drinking that I have to just stick with it. Each morning I wake up grateful that I didn’t drink the evening before.
    I really hope that non drinking sticks because it is just better than drinking.
    Have a good day

  6. Debbie says:

    Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot. xoxo

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