Yesterday was another tough one. Almost threw in the towel; it so close. I just wanted a drink. That’s all there was to it. On the drive home, I decided I wanted to go out to eat because my plans for cooking dinner at home sounded lame. That’s always the tell tale sign that I’m looking for a drink. I was hungry, I wanted a steak and baked potato and I wanted a glass (or 3) of wine. But, mostly, I just wanted the wine. I went to Texas Roadhouse and that place was packed. Wasn’t going to wait or have to eat at the bar, so I drove to Applebee’s. They aren’t a steak place, but I figured it would do. Last time I ate there, it was pretty good. Sitting at the light waiting to turn, I looked over at a Gunther Toody’s. (for those unfamiliar, they are a 50’s style diner) A patty melt and milk shake actually sounded pretty good. My thinking – if Applebee’s is busy, I’ll just head over to Gunther’s. Well, it wasn’t busy so I went inside.
They sat me at a table right alongside the bar area. That’s okay. Maybe a little closer than I wanted to be, but it’s all good. I ordered a cherry limeade and when it was brought to me, it was like half drink and all shaved ice. I complained saying I would only pay for 1/2 a drink if I didn’t get a full glass. They brought me more. I was off to a bad start. The table down and catty corner to me had what looked like a wheat beer in their tall Brutus glasses. The table across from me had those margs with the beer bottle upside down in them. Don’t know what those are called. The table behind me ordered stawberry margs and the table to the other side (which was the bar area) order a beer and a martini of some sort. OMG. . . . I thought I might go crazy. This one guy got his beer and took a really long drink. Ahhh, it so hit the spot, I could tell. I was so enjoying it – vicariously.
My steak came. It was well done – I had asked for medium. They brought me another, and of course it wasn’t done enough. I let it slide and ate about 1/2. It wasn’t very good. As I left the restaurant, the manager (who fixed my steak order) said he hoped my second steak was better. I couldn’t let it go. . . I said, “Well, actually it wasn’t very good, but I am at Applebee’s.” I didn’t want to drink any longer and just went home.
Watched some TV, and about 8:45pm decided I would go to bed at 9:00pm. I was already trying to doze off on the couch. Took me all of about 15 minutes to fall asleep and I slept until my alarm went off with 3 snoozes in between. The best part of yesterday? Sleeping 9 1/2 hours.
I really miss not drinking. But I chalk that up to being lonely. The one thing I have the hardest time with. (I really hate the down side of these cycles. I really do.)
Another day sober.