one more day

Yesterday was another tough one. Almost threw in the towel; it so close. I just wanted a drink. That’s all there was to it. On the drive home, I decided I wanted to go out to eat because my plans for cooking dinner at home sounded lame. That’s always the tell tale sign that I’m looking for a drink. I was hungry, I wanted a steak and baked potato and I wanted a glass (or 3) of wine. But, mostly, I just wanted the wine. I went to Texas Roadhouse and that place was packed. Wasn’t going to wait or have to eat at the bar, so I drove to Applebee’s. They aren’t a steak place, but I figured it would do. Last time I ate there, it was pretty good. Sitting at the light waiting to turn, I looked over at a Gunther Toody’s. (for those unfamiliar, they are a 50’s style diner) A patty melt and milk shake actually sounded pretty good. My thinking – if Applebee’s is busy, I’ll just head over to Gunther’s. Well, it wasn’t busy so I went inside.

They sat me at a table right alongside the bar area. That’s okay. Maybe a little closer than I wanted to be, but it’s all good. I ordered a cherry limeade and when it was brought to me, it was like half drink and all shaved ice. I complained saying I would only pay for 1/2 a drink if I didn’t get a full glass. They brought me more. I was off to a bad start. The table down and catty corner to me had what looked like a wheat beer in their tall Brutus glasses. The table across from me had those margs with the beer bottle upside down in them. Don’t know what those are called. The table behind me ordered stawberry margs and the table to the other side (which was the bar area) order a beer and a martini of some sort. OMG. . . . I thought I might go crazy. This one guy got his beer and took a really long drink. Ahhh, it so hit the spot, I could tell. I was so enjoying it – vicariously.

My steak came. It was well done – I had asked for medium. They brought me another, and of course it wasn’t done enough. I let it slide and ate about 1/2. It wasn’t very good. As I left the restaurant, the manager (who fixed my steak order) said he hoped my second steak was better. I couldn’t let it go. . . I said, “Well, actually it wasn’t very good, but I am at Applebee’s.” I didn’t want to drink any longer and just went home.

Watched some TV, and about 8:45pm decided I would go to bed at 9:00pm. I was already trying to doze off on the couch. Took me all of about 15 minutes to fall asleep and I slept until my alarm went off with 3 snoozes in between. The best part of yesterday? Sleeping 9 1/2 hours.

I really miss not drinking. But I chalk that up to being lonely. The one thing I have the hardest time with. (I really hate the down side of these cycles. I really do.)

Another day sober.

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7 Responses to one more day

  1. Good for you for hanging in there. Do you have someone to hang out with so you don’t feel lonely which leads to wanting to drink? I think you’re doing great. Most of the Applebee’s by us have closed. I guess we all know why!

  2. Jean says:

    It is so hard to go out and see everyone drinking. It’s good that you went home early and went to bed, sometimes that is the best thing to do. You wake up the next day and feel great, that is the bonus. Thanks again Debbie for your honesty. Hope you have a good weekend!

  3. elee says:

    I’m glad to read that you made it through a tough day!! Gives me hope. I’m new to the sobersphere and reading about your challenges and your successes is an inspiration to me. Awesome!

  4. Hang in ❤️ it gets easier 😊 just remember why you chose to make a change for the better. Also, remember the shit that you left behind, all the bad things about the drink. Know that although they may seem happy they too may be struggling. But today you did it one day at a time. Best of luck and remember we are all in this together

  5. nowine4me says:

    I found myself nodding my head yes, yes, as I read this post. I know those feelings all so well. Friday nights used to be my favorite night to go out for drinks and a little dinner. You are doing so well! Props for not giving in no matter how tempting that wine sounds. Love the post, great work. – Heather

  6. furtheron says:

    HALT – Hungry Angry Lonely Tired. All triggers. We learn the signs and ways to deal / cope with them in time.

  7. 365 Reasons says:

    When you eat alone, do you read? I find bringing a book with me when I eat out helps to keep me from looking at people boozing. Especially if it is a book about sobriety.
    good for you for not drinking. I am starting to discover sleep is my most favorite thing in the whole world!

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