As I progress in my sobriety, I find it harder and harder to write. Well, maybe not harder, but I don’t have as much to share. I suppose that’s a REALLY good thing and I should be happy about that. But I know there are some people in the very first stages that seek out these blogs in hopes of gleaning something from them. And, when I have nothing to say, I’m not helping others. That was the goal of my blog – to help myself and hopefully help others along their path as well. Give advice, share what works for me and what doesn’t, show my vulnerable side and my angry side, and illustrate that I am just like you. Addicted to alcohol and unable to drink in moderation.
Here I sit in front of my monitor, reflecting on my past 4 months. It’s been a rough go. I haven’t gone 4 months with out alcohol. . . . . EVER. (well, except the pregnant stint) I’m talking a REALLY REALLY long time. Since about 1971/72. That’s just absurd isn’t it?
As I got older and began to drink more frequently, I briefly thought about quitting. Generally, those thoughts came in the morning when I woke up with a nasty hangover. One time I think I went about 3 weeks, but that was not the norm. I would go a week or two before I started back up again because none of those times did I ever really want to quit drinking. Then 2007 rolled around and I decided I may really have a problem. I didn’t do anything about it until 2013, when I finally got serious. It took me a number of tries that year to finally get to the point I’m at now. Trust me, it takes a few – okay a lot of – falls (at least for me.)
I’m still a babe on this quest, and I’ve got a long way to go yet. This time around, my mental state is more “ready” than it was in the past. I have more tools and things to draw from so I stay focused. It’s like when you decide to quit smoking. No one can decide for you and you have to be mentally prepared to quit and quit for good. Same holds true for sobriety. If you are truly ready to quit, then dig deep! You have it in you to do so, you just have to find the strength (and the friends who support you, your higher power, and your belief in yourself)
Each day is still a struggle for me, but one I am better able to manage. I know the urges will lessen as time goes on. They have lessened even up to this point from the earlier days on this journey. And THANK GOD for that, right? To those at the beginning of their own quest to squash the urge, the beast, the demon, let me instill in you the knowledge that it can be done. The pain and desire will decrease a little each day. It is cyclical. Some days you are up, others you will be down. Just know that there is an up right around the corner.
It can be done 🙂