90 days. Yes, it’s a big deal. It must be, because at 90 days you get a coin at AA!! (Alas, I don’t attend and would feel foolish going only for that day to snag one. Although it would feel pretty good!! ) And the big ONE OH OH (100) is just around the corner. It’s kinda like your birthday or Christmas. The anticipation and excitement about getting there overshadows the actual event. 3 months, 13 weeks, 90 days. . . it’s just another day in the books – I’m at work, I’ll hopefully go work out and I’ll head home to left overs and the Voice. Yup, another day.
Don’t get me wrong! I am VERY VERY grateful for these “one day is like another” days. I wake up glad to be un-hungover, I go to work able to function, clear eyes and all, the thought of having a drink doesn’t even cross my mind. . .until. . . the witching hour. Truly, it really is more of a “thinking only” thing. About how much I would LOVE a glass or 2 or 3 or 4 of wine. Yum, yum. And then I think about it some more. I think about how if someone offered me a drink right here and now, would I take it, greedily? Would I give in? At this point I can’t say for sure. I’m still too raw, and it’s too early in the game. But, I think I would say “no.” I would not cave. I would stick to my guns. But that’s TODAY. I can’t say how I will feel or what will prompt me tomorrow.
I have some more challenges in the next 2 weeks, but after that, it’s all downhill, right?? No more parties, no more celebrations. As I’ve said before, though, I prefer drinking at home (as most of us do/did) alone. So even though the parties are big draws for Ms Crazy so is the loneliness. Must be on guard at all times 🙂
I am glad I started (or should I say stopped?) when I did (sooner would have been better, but September works.) I have a few months under my belt, and I get to look forward to 2014 without the resolutions “I will drink less” or “I quit for good.” It will be nice not having to even consider those particular resolutions. Did you have those too? Knowing full well that you would break them within a few days, or worse, that next evening, right? I know I always felt ashamed that I couldn’t hold to my “promise” to quit. It really made me feel so incapable of doing anything. Then, all the other resolution I may have made went down the drain with it. I mean, seriously, if I can’t keep one then I’m certainly not going to be able to keep the others. Remember those days? NOT ANY MORE!