so close

90 days. Yes, it’s a big deal. It must be, because at 90 days you get a coin at AA!! (Alas, I don’t attend and would feel foolish going only for that day to snag one. Although it would feel pretty good!! ) And the big ONE OH OH (100) is just around the corner. It’s kinda like your birthday or Christmas. The anticipation and excitement about getting there overshadows the actual event. 3 months, 13 weeks, 90 days. . . it’s just another day in the books – I’m at work, I’ll hopefully go work out and I’ll head home to left overs and the Voice. Yup, another day.

Don’t get me wrong! I am VERY VERY grateful for these “one day is like another” days. I wake up glad to be un-hungover, I go to work able to function, clear eyes and all, the thought of having a drink doesn’t even cross my mind. . .until. . . the witching hour. Truly, it really is more of a “thinking only” thing. About how much I would LOVE a glass or 2 or 3 or 4 of wine. Yum, yum. And then I think about it some more. I think about how if someone offered me a drink right here and now, would I take it, greedily? Would I give in? At this point I can’t say for sure. I’m still too raw, and it’s too early in the game. But, I think I would say “no.” I would not cave. I would stick to my guns. But that’s TODAY. I can’t say how I will feel or what will prompt me tomorrow.

I have some more challenges in the next 2 weeks, but after that, it’s all downhill, right?? No more parties, no more celebrations. As I’ve said before, though, I prefer drinking at home (as most of us do/did) alone. So even though the parties are big draws for Ms Crazy so is the loneliness. Must be on guard at all times 🙂

I am glad I started (or should I say stopped?) when I did (sooner would have been better, but September works.) I have a few months under my belt, and I get to look forward to 2014 without the resolutions “I will drink less” or “I quit for good.” It will be nice not having to even consider those particular resolutions. Did you have those too? Knowing full well that you would break them within a few days, or worse, that next evening, right? I know I always felt ashamed that I couldn’t hold to my “promise” to quit. It really made me feel so incapable of doing anything. Then, all the other resolution I may have made went down the drain with it. I mean, seriously, if I can’t keep one then I’m certainly not going to be able to keep the others. Remember those days? NOT ANY MORE!

Shout outs to the other 2 90 day-ers that I am aware of: nowine4me and Un-wined:Happier like this 🙂 woot woot

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20 Responses to so close

  1. Congrats on 90 days! I found it to be hard right around 90 days, but then it started getting a lot easier. I love what you said about resolutions…I hadn’t thought about that! This year I can make a resolution about self-improvement that has nothing to do with drinking, and I will be more likely to follow through with it because I am sober and IN CONTROL. How cool! 🙂

    • Debbie says:

      Crazy – you and Carrie mention the same thing about 90 days. Glad to hear that it does get easier. I am white knuckling it right now. Sucks! But reading your comments give me strength to finally make it to 100 and beyond. Thanks!!!

  2. Triple woot woot. Love your post. It’s still not ‘easy’ but we’re doing it. Still in. And your point about resolutions is so true; it’s got me thinking. X

  3. There is a difference between 90 and 100 and then 110…but you’ve got to get there to ‘get’ it.
    Every sober day is a another step in the right direction…remember when we couldn’t even contemplate 10 days in a row?
    Woot woot to all of you!
    C x

    • Debbie says:

      Interesting that both you and Jen mentioned that there’s a difference between 90 and 100. . . good thing because all I can think about right now is stopping for a bottle. Seriously, it hasn’t hit me this hard in a long time. But hearing from you both and know this goes away, well, I’ll white knuckle it through! THanks so very much for commenting. Means the world to me.

  4. Shouting out to you 90 dayers and 190 dayers and 10 dayers and especially those on day 2. Listen to Carrie, there is a difference but you’ve got to get there to ‘get’ it.

  5. Running From the Booze says:

    I was thinking about you this weekend. I knew you wete getting close. Isn’t it great to say you have a few MONTHS under your belt!!!??

  6. gotfleas says:

    Awsome job with the 90 days! Keep it up, one day at a time.

  7. Jean says:

    90 days, that’s great. I am looking forward to accumulating days. I am at 48 and feeling good. Sunday was a little tough because I was with my family and everyone but my dad and brother in law were drinking. But, I guess if I want to live in the world, I have to get used to the majority of people around me drinking.
    Generally for New Years resolutions I have a long list of self improvement projects, drink less or quit, give up sugar, lose weight, organize my house, etc. I don’t seem to stick to them and then they just become failures for me. But this year I am going to resolve to accept myself and be kinder to myself. If I can really accept myself where I am now and be kinder to myself, I think a lot of things will fall into place.

    • Debbie says:

      48 is just as amazing, really! any day greater than 1 is awesome!!! Keep positive there, Jean. Don’t make too many resolutions or you might get overwhelmed. Just focus on no drinking 🙂 My resolution? Conquer this one first before I begin another.

  8. monkeybegone says:

    Well done. Hope you get a chance to do something special.

  9. byebyebeer says:

    Woohoo on 90 days!! btw, you can go to a meeting and get your 90 day coin and people won’t know or care that it’s your first meeting, especially at the bigger meetings. I still have some coins from my first year, and that one probably felt the best to hold. If nothing else, go for your 1 year coin. Congrats again to you!

  10. momma bee says:

    Woo Hoo 90 days…… I can relate to what you say about just getting over the holiday hump and can focus on the year. The new year where we already started our New Year’s Resolution of giving up booze. I would quit too and last a day, two or a week and then go right back. It feels good to have some real time under my belt. Its not easy and we can only focus on today and collect them and put them in our sober pocket!!!!

  11. Debbie says:

    It does feel good to have past the 3 month mark unscathed. I’m looking forward to the new year with optimism! Thanks for reading and for your encouragement! Always a blessing 😉

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