Last night, or should I say yesterday afternoon, was a complete white knuckle session for about 3 hours. Really tired of obsessing about drinking. I wasn’t 99% there and ready to drink, but I was about 75% and that was scary enough. Drinking was all I could think about starting at 3:30pm. Overwhelming. I think because I have nothing to do at my office, I go into my head. And Ms Crazy is always there to greet me.
I left work at the normal 5:20pm. Caught the bus, got to my car and sat there for a second wondering what I was going to do. I wanted to drink so badly. But knew that was a stupid idea. I did need to stop at the store and get some ice cream or a candy bar or something for later in the evening. So I began with that thought. I was driving to my local quick mart place and instead of turning left, I kept going straight. I decided I just needed to eat, and I didn’t want the pork loin I had in the fridge at home. I was craving a steak but have found that’s my MO. When I really want a drink, I want a steak to go with it. It’s my “excuse” for having the drink. I drove a complete circle – well, almost a complete circle – back to an Applebee’s which is very near my bus stop. I walked in and the hostess said the usual, “How many?” and I said, “just one.” She says, “Would you like to sit in the bar area?” In my mind I was like, “HELL YEAH I want to sit in the bar area and get them pouring a Fat Tire, Brutus-sized” but knew that would be REALLY STUPID. So I said, “I would rather sit in the restaurant area if I could.” And so I did. I had raspberry lemonade, a 7 oz sirloin, and a baked potato. Of course, once I began eating I was fine. After dinner I went to the gas station next door and bought a Butterfinger for later 🙂 I’m surprised I don’t weigh a zillion pounds with as much candy as I eat, haha.
Another crisis averted, thank God. Just hoping these crises lessen. . . . .and soon.
And just for the record, I am at 49 days tomorrow 🙂 7 HUGE WEEKS!!! OMG and Friday – 50 days. I’m half way to the Challenge Goal! woot woot