20,806 days

It’s Thursday. . . yessiree, it is. Another day. My GOD how quickly the days and weeks just fly by. Geez, if I make it to 80, the months must feel like days slipping through my fingers. SLOW DOWN

I will have seen 58 October 6th’s this Sunday. That’s 20,806 days so far in my life. A lot of self doubt, self pity, self admonishment, self destruction, self hatred, regrets and tons of indecision went in to most of those days. As silly and so 50’s as this may sound, all I wanted in life was to get married, have the white picket fence, have lots of kids and be the best wife and mom ever. Seriously. I had no other aspirations but to find a husband and settle in for the long haul. That drove me for years until I realized that wasn’t going to happen, EVER. By that time, my life was already on its odd, rocky, rutty way to somewhere. Unfortunately, I had no idea where.

My life was about surviving and providing. A day to day existence. Always looking for the greener pasture and never finding it. And that pasture was everything from jobs to relationships to locales. A totally tangled web I wove, all around me.

16511408-old-lady-walking-slowly-but-happily

But, my life isn’t over yet. Here’s hoping sobriety slaps some serious sense into me so that the last, however many, years I have left of my life, I might actually enjoy.

Namaste

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