Okay, this is a question that goes out to all of you who attend AA meetings. I have been attending the same meeting almost daily (during my lunch hour) for about 3 weeks or so now. I am a tad shy when I attend new functions. I am not the loudest person in the room nor do I speak up right away. As a general rule, I don’t like to speak in public. On my first day in attendance, I had a few people – well, 2 – say welcome and glad you are here.
Now that I have been there awhile, I feel like the odd man out. Like this is one big clique and I am not part of it. Everyone is nice enough, but no one seems to go out of their way to bring me into the fold. I thought that’s what AA was all about? Helping those who are newbies into the group. My question is: I’m I going about this all wrong? Am I supposed to become an extrovert and force myself in?
I don’t speak at the meetings. Like I said, I’m not comfortable with it. So, you say, “step out of yourself and get over the fear.” Ha, that’s not going to happen. Everyone at this meeting is stepping over themselves trying to talk. Right now, I like to hear what everyone has to say. I wouldn’t mind talking if I had something I felt I wanted to say. But, at this stage, I don’t have anything to share. Do I have to share so that people notice me? I feel like I’m invisible.
I like going but I don’t feel like I belong. The talk today was about strategies for surviving trips and company functions where alcohol is always present (and almost encouraged.) Numerous times it was mentioned that you needed to have your friends (who get it), a sponsor or other AA members on speed dial. Because we are family. Sorry, but I don’t feel much like a member of this “family.” Well, this may sound a bunch like a pitty party, but I have very few friends, I don’t have a sponsor (and don’t know if I really want one just yet), and the AA members don’t know I’m there. So, this particular strategy – of contacting other AA members when you have a need – won’t work for me. Hearing it though just made me realize how alone I am.
First time in a VERY long time I feel extremely close to tears. Must run to the bathroom — back in a few.
Shew, I’m back.
So, do I lack social skills?
Is the scar on my face from the bug bite from hell scaring people away?
Am I going about this all wrong?
Am I creating this reality on purpose?
Do I need to be more “in your face”?
Maybe I just need to find another group?
Okay so that is my question, which turned into questionS, of the day.