Well, I’m mad at myself but moving past it. I was going about my day on Friday and, as is the norm, starting thinking about having a drink at about 4:00pm. I planned my walk home from the bus stop so that I would pass a liquor store (which is not all that hard.) There are 3 on the way. I purchased a bottle of wine, put it in my pack and headed home. The bottle stayed in my pack until Saturday morning. I did not drink it although it sat less than 4 feet from me all evening. It just didn’t sound good – at all. What a relief. It was really rewarding to wake up on Saturday morning NOT hungover. I took the bottle upstairs to my daughter’s “house” and left it on her kitchen counter with a sticky note “Enjoy!”
Saturday, my daughter’s husband was outside doing some work on a dresser. When he was done, he and my daughter brought the dresser into the boy’s room. I went up stairs to see what the commotion was all about. I walked into the room and the dresser was in place and looked really good. He had done a great job on it. And there, in his hand, was an ice cold BEER. The bottle was slightly frosty and condensing. He had only taken a swallow so it was still full. Talk about a mouth-watering moment (of course, you have to really like beer :).) I congratulated them on their accomplishment and went back to my home downstairs. For the next few hours all I could think about was that beer.
At 4:30pm, I broke down. I went to their fridge and got me a cold one. Wow, it tasted SO good. So good, in fact, that I took my daughter’s car and went to the liquor store (FYI – our grocery stores don’t sell alcohol over 3.2% hence the reason I’m always headed to a liquor store). I bought a 12 pack of Island Hopping Hawaiian beers. I planned to share of course 🙂 I enjoyed 3 more beers through the course of the evening. No pats on the back for me this night.
Sunday, I woke feeling pretty good. No hangover or anything. Again, thinking, “This is it. Today is my Day 1 again and last night was the last of it.” Yeah, right. I ended up drinking 2 beers by 5pm on Sunday. Then, I was making dinner and saw that bottle of wine I had left up there Saturday morning. Damn. I so wish they had put it somewhere else. I had no self control by that time. I took the bottle and went to find my daughter. I apologized and told her I was taking the bottle back. (Total Indian giver. . . .wait, is that politically incorrect?)
Ended up drinking just over half. Threw the rest away and went to bed. Not feeling my best today. Wanted to stay home with the grandsons, but I have no automobile. Aw well.
Here it is, another Day 1. I do so hate counting the days. I’m thinking I need a better toolbox, a better strategy (exit or otherwise), a better routine I can stick to. . . etc. Time to get things back into focus. I’m not giving up, EVER. No matter how many day 1’s I have to face. Because I know that one day soon, it’s gonna stick. My brother and the PTB are still watching over me. I know they are and I also know they will be there for me again. I just need to let them in.