I sit here at work reading everyone’s newest posts. Connecting with each, understanding where they’re coming from and wishing I could reach out with more than words to those who are dusting themselves off from a fall. I certainly do not want anyone to fail. When I slipped back down that slippery slope, I felt like I had let the whole world down by succumbing to the evil Ms Crazy. I felt small and unworthy and stupid that I could let that happen. But when I read that some of you do fall off after achieving months of sobriety, it makes me feel better (sorry). It helps to know that we all fall at one point or another until we get and maintain our balance. It’s just reassuring for me. We will all be survivors, just not all at the same time 🙂
I read how some of you are on top of the world and appear to have your shit together. I read about those who are still having a hard go of it but are refusing to give up the fight. So many versions of how we all work through our issue of alcoholism/sobriety. We are each distinctive individuals who all happen to have one major obstacle in common. And each of us deals with that obstacle in our own unique way. No two of us are alike, but we do share that commonality. And that, my dear friends, is the tie that binds.
If you read in these blogs or facebook pages and think others are so much better off than you, you MUST think again. They are not. Those of us with low self-esteem issues can use this information to our disadvantage as it CAN and DOES lead to drinking. If you feel envy or jealousy at those around you, disengage. Those feelings will only bring you down. I know it can me. There is one woman on facebook who, from all appearances, has the most wonderful, blessed life anyone could imagine. Lots of great kids, grandkids, a loving husband, a beautiful home on lots of land, a super strong faith in God, etc. etc. Every day she is so freaking positive and up beat. Sometimes it’s just TOO ooey gooey. Yes, I envied her at first, but now I admire her. I turned the tables from, “it’s not fair that she has blah blah and I don’t” or “I deserve what she has, how come I can’t find that happiness?” to being happy for her and finding things about her life that make it better and seeing how I can incorporate it into mine.
Most of us have had some really rough times, but it reminds me of my post about putting our problems in a pile and how we would still grab our own back over picking up someone else’s. When I’m feeling like my life sucks and nothing good ever happens or whatever, I remember the pile. My life is not that bad. Although some days are more difficult than others, it is still better than a zillion other people’s. Plus, now that I’m sober, it’s better than a trillion zillion other people’s 🙂
Make it a good day