my angel, my brother

It was a grand weekend. Enjoyed the rain, went for a walk and jog in the early morning hours, attended my grandson’s 9th birthday party, watched the first installment of the Game of Thrones (on DVD) – I’ve read all the books – and actually remembered watching it the next day, finished putting together a 1000 piece puzzle, started writing in my new journal, and the list goes on and on.

I was on facebook on Thursday (so what else is new? LOL) I am a ‘member’ of one of the “Memories of growing up in [your city’s name here]” groups. There was only one high school in this town where I grew up. So, everyone pretty much knew everyone else. Someone posted a list of those who had died from my high school over the course of the last 40 years. I was scrolling down the list, looking at the different years where I might know someone, and there under class of 1971 was my brother’s name. To be honest, I gasped and grabbed my chest. I mean, I know my brother is dead, and it shouldn’t have come as a shock to see his name, but it took me by surprise. It was actually really great to see it posted there. It’s like having him always be remembered by those who are not family.

My brother, as mentioned in a previous post, was an alcoholic. He passed away on January 31, 2003 from complications from surgery. He was 49. He was my only brother.

I watch Long Island Medium. For those who don’t know about her, she talks with the dead and shares what these spirits say to their loved ones. She is very good. She talks about ‘spirit’ and how loved ones are always with us even if we don’t always see the signs. Well, I think seeing my brother’s name in print like that was a sign. I think it was a “DO YOU SEE ME NOW?” kind of sign. I feel he has stepped in to help me. He knows what I’m going through and who better to help me than him, right? It may sound hokie or something, but I feel stronger this time around. I feel like I have a hand guiding me. I CHOOSE to believe it’s my brother. I am his baby sister and since he wasn’t really around for me while we were growing up, I think this is his way of taking care of me now. (sniff, wipe, sniff)

I am so grateful he has stepped in. I’ve been thanking him every time I think of him. If he were flesh and blood, he would be feeling my finger nails digging in about now 🙂

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