Wow, these last 2 weeks have been really rough. When we fall, we fall hard, huh? I haven’t been doing binges or all nighters, but just enough so I wake up feeling ‘unhealthy’ in the mornings. Some mornings come with headaches, some just a really stiff and sore neck, some just really tired. I’ve had something to drink every single night but 2 since I toppled.
Last night I stopped to have a drink and I didn’t even want it. My stomach was telling me no and my heart was pleading with me to just go home, but my monkey mind was laughing all the way to the bar. I haven’t wanted to drink for a few days now, but it doesn’t seem to matter. The switch is on, Ms. Crazy has a solid grip on my common sense, and I just can’t seem to stop myself.
Waking up and seeing my tired face in the mirror is just such a sad sight. And of course, my resolve is 100% in the mornings. “Today is the day” kind of attitude. Feeling positive and all that crap. I swear that I don’t want to look like a haggered old woman any longer but yet, the next morning I stare at that same damn face. And that face is getting older by the day. Ah, vanity. If only I could be vain enough so I would stop drinking. . .