I think one of the reasons it’s so difficult to come out and tell friends and family you are an alcoholic is that if they are not one themselves, they really do find it hard to understand why we do what we do. And I have a hard time explaining it. How do you describe the overwhelming ‘need’ (and I hate using that word)? How do you explain that once you ‘fall’ it takes regrouping and time to get back up. You don’t wake up the next morning dusting yourself off, say “damn it” and begin the quest all over again. It doesn’t work that way (at least for me), but how do I explain this so that it makes sense to those who don’t have a clue what that feels like? If only it was only simple and easy, right?
And the things we do while drinking. We are all intelligent people. None of us wants to hurt any one or say things we don’t mean. We’ve all set rules for ourselves knowing what could happen. Hoping we follow those rules we have set for ourselves. Ms Crazy doesn’t give a shit about my ‘rules’. All she wants is more alcohol no matter the consequences. Again, we are sane, rational human beings, so how do we express these feelings we have to those who just don’t understand?
In short, it would be so much easier not to tell friends and family (who are able to drink in moderation) anything. Sometimes I just don’t want to try to explain and let them remain ignorant. But that’s not right. I truly want them to ‘get it’.
Fortunately, there is you. Sharing our stories, our fears, our falls with kindred fellows. I truly am grateful every day that I have all of you out there in the sobersphere.