I am going through some serious avoidance issues right now. I really need to review what has happened in my (adult) life to determine why I think I want to drink and what those triggers are. But I don’t want to. I may be afraid of what I will find out.
I began my sober journey because I didn’t want to drink any more. There was no one thing that put me over the edge. I didn’t go on a binge then decide to quit. I’m really proud that I was able to do 43 days. That is huge. But something must have happened to make me fall. It’s very frustrating and so overwhelming to not have a concrete answer for all the whys. I do know that I was freaking out about seeing 100 days and then falling. I was setting myself up for failure. To me, nothing could be worse than going for SO long then taking the fall. I had convinced myself that this was going to happen. So, I jumped ship early. What does that mean? That I don’t believe in myself? That I don’t think I have what it takes? Are these my nemeses? If they are, then how do I overcome them? What does it take to achieve higher self esteem? How do I find this “belief in oneself?” Is this a Let Go, Let God moment?
I don’t want to fight this addiction, so I surrender. Thank you Message in a Bottle
dangling on the edge 
Sending love. You’re doing the best thing, reaching out and asking for help. Know that you are loved. Come find me if you want to talk. Recovery is more complex than we realize at the onset. Please send me an email. I can be “just’ a sober buddy for you. xox lisa
Thanks Lisa. I appreciate your kind words. It means a great deal to know you are out there supporting me. D
I understand your struggles. You are on the right journey for yourself — try not to judge yourself too harshly (and I will try to listen to that advice, too!) {{{hugs}}} Fern
You were the first to stand by me in my first posts. I will always remember that. I looked forward to your kind words of support. You brightened my day, and STILL DO. I’m with you 100% and we’ll get through this together 🙂 Love the hugs!
We are all in the same boat and rooting for you! You kept talking, that is the key. Sending you hugs you are being super brave at a very tough time. You will feel better, I promise
Thank you, Carrie for your words of encouragement and support. I need all I can get! D
Who said Rome was built in one day? How cool it would be just to be able to quite so easily! Imagine if we could wake up and say: “hey from today i will stop drinking!” And BOOOUM like magic all of it goes away! NAAAA that is not reality and we are to old to believe in fairy tales! :-)You will make it Debbie! Just don’t quite trying! Sending you loads of good vibes.
xxoo
Thanks for the pep talk Christina 🙂 Always need cheering from the sidelines!! You’re the best.