I am going through some serious avoidance issues right now. I really need to review what has happened in my (adult) life to determine why I think I want to drink and what those triggers are. But I don’t want to. I may be afraid of what I will find out.
I began my sober journey because I didn’t want to drink any more. There was no one thing that put me over the edge. I didn’t go on a binge then decide to quit. I’m really proud that I was able to do 43 days. That is huge. But something must have happened to make me fall. It’s very frustrating and so overwhelming to not have a concrete answer for all the whys. I do know that I was freaking out about seeing 100 days and then falling. I was setting myself up for failure. To me, nothing could be worse than going for SO long then taking the fall. I had convinced myself that this was going to happen. So, I jumped ship early. What does that mean? That I don’t believe in myself? That I don’t think I have what it takes? Are these my nemeses? If they are, then how do I overcome them? What does it take to achieve higher self esteem? How do I find this “belief in oneself?” Is this a Let Go, Let God moment?
I don’t want to fight this addiction, so I surrender. Thank you Message in a Bottle