I can’t decide if I want to head back to AA. I’m not really into the Big Book or the 12 steps, but I wonder if I need the camaraderie or face to face interaction? I think about going about 2 times a week but never make it.
The reason I’m thinking about it today is I am on the down slide again. Inevitable of course. But it sucks. I think about just stopping for a bottle on the way home and just enjoying it. I want to fall off this wagon so when I get back on, it will be easier. Yeah, I know. Doesn’t work that way. But tell Ms Crazy that. I read posts that talk about how you learn from each failure and when the time is right, it’s right. I can’t honestly say what’s right and what’s not. I re-read my reasons for quitting, but none of them really compel me to continue with my sobriety. Am I just not ready to do this?
My life sucks whether I’m drinking or not (and yes, I take antidepressants) which makes it hard to hang on to the sober side. It’s the old ‘back and forth’ going on. The positives SO outweigh the negative, but the negative is WAY more powerful. Hence, the thinking that I might need AA to have some face time with people as a reminder of why I am doing this.
Don’t know. Hate to give up after 43 days. July 2 being 50 and August 21 being 100. Maybe I should quit counting.
I did a count of days that I feel good and days that I do not. Appears the good outweighs the bad big time. Days 1-9 were good; 10-14 bad; 15-25 good; 26-32 bad; 33-42 good. So overall, I’ve had 30 days of good and 13 days of bad out of 43. How come it doesn’t feel that way? I mean, seriously, that’s 70% positive to 30% negative. Absolutely crazy that I should feel like I do.
Today, even though I sit here at work and should be doing something constructive, all I can think about is drinking. Same question, different day – DOES THIS EVER END?