lists

imagesI made some lists in my nook so I have reminders of why I don’t drink and ideas of things to do to stay busy so I don’t think about stopping at the LQ. The reasons I listed to remind myself of why I don’t drink are pretty lame. I wanted them to be ugly, dirty, and scary, but they’re not. Does this mean I don’t hate it enough? And if I don’t hate it enough, does that mean I may relapse? I mean, I have down that it made me lethargic and unmotivated, I wasn’t at 100% and some days worked suffered because of it, it took $300 a month out of my bank account that could have gone just about any where but to alcohol, and it overtook my afternoon thoughts until I was able to get my hands on a drink. Do those sound frightening to you?

Now, I will admit I stayed at home to drink which meant not meeting up with friends or making new ones, i.e. isolating myself from life. But I’ve been alone for so long, it seemed pretty normal. And yes, the control it had over my life was pretty incredible and that’s a huge, BAD thing. But are these enough to keep me from picking up another bottle? Maybe it’s all relative? I guess I was just hoping for the slap in the face or the wake up call when I read it which is not the case. Knowing that it controlled me and I DID NOT LIKE THAT ONE BIT will have to be my deterrent.

The other list I have is for things to keep me busy. This list has been helpful. I made it like a bucket list. Having the ideas on one page works for me. I can read it over, and it reminds me that there are lots of other things I could be doing. Being more active is always a big one. One physical activity is getting back into my training for the half marathon. Since I no longer have my personal trainer, I have totally been a bum about running or doing any exercising at all. As for other things to keep me occupied, I did volunteer at a rescue mission to serve breakfast on Friday mornings from 5:30am to 7:30am. For fun, I signed up for a painting class on Friday night and of course, I have my boot camp is on Saturday. (really looking forward to the camp….really!)

What is totally the best about today? I’M ON DAY 23, I should be receiving my fuck you wolfie bracelet any day now, and Ms Crazy’s appearances are less and less and not nearly as dramatic, pushy or convincing! Seriously, one day at a time, my friends, one day. . .

T-77
Day 23

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8 Responses to lists

  1. tina5458 says:

    Congrats to you!

  2. I love the two lists! Good luck with your 1/2 training, feel free to chime in over at my site if you want some extra motivation along the way. 🙂
    23 days is huge! Congrats! And good for you for volunteering and painting and staying busy. That was so helpful to me at the beginning too. Keep on keepin on! – Christy

    • Debbie says:

      Thanks for the support. I was at your blog a day or so ago and felt so bad that I wasn’t training after reading all that you are doing to get ready for your marathon. What a bum I am 🙂

      • Nah… Your priority right now is establishing sobriety and getting through your 100 days. Ain’t nothing bum-like about that!!! That’s huge!!!

  3. byebyebeer says:

    Your go-to list is impressive! You did a great job describing that obsession that overtook many of us every afternoon. That kind of thinking scares me yet it keeps me motivated too. You sound like you’re finding great, concrete points to consider and keep moving forward a day at a time.

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