I made some lists in my nook so I have reminders of why I don’t drink and ideas of things to do to stay busy so I don’t think about stopping at the LQ. The reasons I listed to remind myself of why I don’t drink are pretty lame. I wanted them to be ugly, dirty, and scary, but they’re not. Does this mean I don’t hate it enough? And if I don’t hate it enough, does that mean I may relapse? I mean, I have down that it made me lethargic and unmotivated, I wasn’t at 100% and some days worked suffered because of it, it took $300 a month out of my bank account that could have gone just about any where but to alcohol, and it overtook my afternoon thoughts until I was able to get my hands on a drink. Do those sound frightening to you?
Now, I will admit I stayed at home to drink which meant not meeting up with friends or making new ones, i.e. isolating myself from life. But I’ve been alone for so long, it seemed pretty normal. And yes, the control it had over my life was pretty incredible and that’s a huge, BAD thing. But are these enough to keep me from picking up another bottle? Maybe it’s all relative? I guess I was just hoping for the slap in the face or the wake up call when I read it which is not the case. Knowing that it controlled me and I DID NOT LIKE THAT ONE BIT will have to be my deterrent.
The other list I have is for things to keep me busy. This list has been helpful. I made it like a bucket list. Having the ideas on one page works for me. I can read it over, and it reminds me that there are lots of other things I could be doing. Being more active is always a big one. One physical activity is getting back into my training for the half marathon. Since I no longer have my personal trainer, I have totally been a bum about running or doing any exercising at all. As for other things to keep me occupied, I did volunteer at a rescue mission to serve breakfast on Friday mornings from 5:30am to 7:30am. For fun, I signed up for a painting class on Friday night and of course, I have my boot camp is on Saturday. (really looking forward to the camp….really!)
What is totally the best about today? I’M ON DAY 23, I should be receiving my fuck you wolfie bracelet any day now, and Ms Crazy’s appearances are less and less and not nearly as dramatic, pushy or convincing! Seriously, one day at a time, my friends, one day. . .