I never realized there were SO many people out there who have the same issues with drinking alcohol as I do (did). And those I’ve discovered since starting this blog don’t even scratch the surface of how many of us are out there. I thought before that I was different than everyone because I have never lost a job, home, boyfriends/friends, etc. over my drinking. Very few knew I had a problem and even they probably had their doubts as to whether I was an alcoholic or not. I thought I might be but denied it mostly to myself. I knew I had a problem in that once I started I couldn’t stop but didn’t associate that with being an alcoholic.
Now, my brother was an alcoholic. He drank all the time and could be a really sloppy drunk. He did his best not to drink hard liquor because that made him mean and pick fights. So, he stuck to his PBR. But he, like most drunks, lost jobs and friends because of his drinking. He also injured himself a lot when drinking. He went to rehab any number of times and stayed sober for 6 months or so each time. But, eventually he would fall of the proverbial wagon.
In my eyes, my big brother was the poster boy for alcoholics. This is what I grew up with. It was all I knew. And, I was nothing like that, so therefore, I was not an alcoholic.
Took me years to realize there is no “typical” alcoholic. Yet, we all share the same wolfies, demons and Ms Crazy’s. Typical or not we are all in the same boat. But just knowing there are those of you out there JUST LIKE ME!!! Knowing that when you don’t have enough wine to satisfy you, you are sure to have more at home to continue the buzz, same as me. Planning your life around when you can have that next glass, same as me! Saying you only had 2 glasses but don’t bother to mention they were probably 10 oz glasses, same as me. When you see the bottle becoming empty before the evening is even half gone and go into panic mode, same as me.
It is just reassuring to know I’m not alone in how I felt. And with your help, I am now closing out Day 20 sober.
Day T-80 (Day 20)