It’s Friday. Since I’m newly back in the saddle, I hope to combat Crazy with new and different techniques. Because once she’s gone, she may be replaced by Complacency, and I want all the tools and skills I can muster to keep them both at bay. Reading all the blogs has provided me with a wealth of ideas and strategies to face these gals head on. I’m sure at one point or another I will use ALL of them to help me stay on track.
My question of the day is, “Do I really, truly like to drink?” (like those who can in moderation) I mean, do I really LIKE it? Is that the alcohol talking? Or is it that I just like the taste of the wines/beers/liquors? Do I like drinking only because of the buzz? Am I drinking only for the affect? Can anyone answer that one for me?
I really enjoyed a beer(s) on a hot summer day on the beach, or by the pool, or at dusk after a full day of fun. Now, is that because I truly enjoyed the taste of the beer, or do I just THINK I liked drinking the beer, or is it just because I’ve done it for so long it’s a habit and I can’t distinguish between the habit and what I’m really wanting? Could I be just as happy with an ice cold O’Douls?
And yes, I did like my wine. It’s the after work drink. I had a glass while making dinner (when I actually made dinner), then finished the box or bottle throughout the rest of the evening. Again, did I do it because it was a routine, or did I really enjoy the flavor, or did I do it soley for the buzz? I think the answer to this one is I drank the wine for the way it made me feel and feeling that way was habit.
Now, martini’s are another story. I was a totally different person when I drank martini’s. These were not something I drank out of habit or routine. I used to love going to martini bars. I really liked them. They made me a much happier person. (Until I had one too many, and then I became a very sick person.) It couldn’t be the taste that called me to them. Although, I’d convinced myself over the years that I liked the taste, but honestly, did I really? I know for a fact that I liked the high I got from them. They were my ‘treat’ drink. My appetizer before a good meal.
So tell me, does anyone out there have an answer to: Do I honest to God really like to drink for the pleasure of having a drink or has it become habit and I can’t tell the difference, or is it Crazy (the alcohol) making be believe that I like to drink?
Is there a difference? Does it matter? I guess I just feel I need to know so I can move forward with a focus and understanding of where I’m starting from. Or something.
(And you’re thinking, “I know of a good therapist…..”)