do i really like to drink?

It’s Friday. Since I’m newly back in the saddle, I hope to combat Crazy with new and different techniques. Because once she’s gone, she may be replaced by Complacency, and I want all the tools and skills I can muster to keep them both at bay. Reading all the blogs has provided me with a wealth of ideas and strategies to face these gals head on. I’m sure at one point or another I will use ALL of them to help me stay on track.

My question of the day is, “Do I really, truly like to drink?” (like those who can in moderation) I mean, do I really LIKE it? Is that the alcohol talking? Or is it that I just like the taste of the wines/beers/liquors? Do I like drinking only because of the buzz? Am I drinking only for the affect? Can anyone answer that one for me?

I really enjoyed a beer(s) on a hot summer day on the beach, or by the pool, or at dusk after a full day of fun. Now, is that because I truly enjoyed the taste of the beer, or do I just THINK I liked drinking the beer, or is it just because I’ve done it for so long it’s a habit and I can’t distinguish between the habit and what I’m really wanting? Could I be just as happy with an ice cold O’Douls?

And yes, I did like my wine. It’s the after work drink. I had a glass while making dinner (when I actually made dinner), then finished the box or bottle throughout the rest of the evening. Again, did I do it because it was a routine, or did I really enjoy the flavor, or did I do it soley for the buzz? I think the answer to this one is I drank the wine for the way it made me feel and feeling that way was habit.

Now, martini’s are another story. I was a totally different person when I drank martini’s. These were not something I drank out of habit or routine. I used to love going to martini bars. I really liked them. They made me a much happier person. (Until I had one too many, and then I became a very sick person.) It couldn’t be the taste that called me to them. Although, I’d convinced myself over the years that I liked the taste, but honestly, did I really? I know for a fact that I liked the high I got from them. They were my ‘treat’ drink. My appetizer before a good meal.

So tell me, does anyone out there have an answer to: Do I honest to God really like to drink for the pleasure of having a drink or has it become habit and I can’t tell the difference, or is it Crazy (the alcohol) making be believe that I like to drink?

Is there a difference? Does it matter? I guess I just feel I need to know so I can move forward with a focus and understanding of where I’m starting from. Or something.

(And you’re thinking, “I know of a good therapist…..”)

Day 4

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2 Responses to do i really like to drink?

  1. Lilly says:

    My thoughts for whatever they’re worth…

    I think we’re really deeply trained to believe we “like” drinking and that drinking is “fun”. The two are so strongly linked in society. But if we are addicted to alcohol the ‘like’ has become more about ‘need’ if we’re honest with ourselves. And, also, many of us finally quit when the pain of drinking starts to outweigh the perceived pleasure. When I’ve gone awhile without drinking I start to think I really miss the ‘fun’ and buzz of drinking but when I have a bad binge I often realise that the pleasure is, at least now, actually quite fleeting and I dislike more than I like about it if I really examine it.

    Many of us enjoy(ed) the euphoria/buzz drinking can bring and escape from our difficult thoughts and feelings. It can also be a shortcut to connecting – often a false sort of intimate connection, really, but the illusion is strong – and letting go and letting our hair down. But if you are a problem drinking there is a sort of rose tinted glasses effect that occurs whereby we focus on the “good” things about drinking while conveniently forgetting the hangovers, anxiety, shame, remorse, lost sleep, lost money etc.

    So, may I propose, for now instead of focusing on whether or not you enjoyed drinking, maybe tell us about the things you didn’t enjoy. E.g. Why you are here?

  2. Debbie says:

    Thank you for helping to spell it out for me. You’d think I’d know the answer (I’m a smart girl after all) but the alcohol really screws with your brain making you think it ‘s okay when you know it really isn’t. Definitely rose colored glasses. It’s infuriating. Thanks for your thought and experience. I’m grateful, truly.

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