oh, the ups and downs

Why is it that my resolve to stop drinking is SO strong in the morning/early afternoon hours? I feel normal. I feel in control. I feel strong. I know that today is the day I can quit. I see no reason why I won’t be able to quit today and forever. I know this deep down. I look at the goals I’ve set and see no reason why I can’t accomplish them. I even make more goals. I feel capable. I see a future with no alcohol.

Then, late afternoon hits like a brick. All I do from that point forward is think about having a drink. I slowly convince myself why I need to get a drink. It mostly revolves around dinner. If I have nothing “appealing” to eat for dinner (which is pretty much all the time), I will go out to eat. (I hate to cook.) And going out to eat is synonymous with drinking. Maybe I could hire a cook. Knowing dinner is waiting for me, and I don’t have to prepare it, would make a huge difference. Well, it’s a thought anyway. A bigger refrigerator would help.

I have a half marathon in less than 5 weeks. I am so not ready. My rib injury has kept me from jogging since my 5k. I realize I can still go to the gym and work out other parts of my body. I could work out on the elliptical or stairs……just lethargic and usually drinking instead.

A vicious cycle.

Day 1

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5 Responses to oh, the ups and downs

  1. Well it sounds like you are learning a lot and figuring out what some of your triggers are. And more importantly, you’re holding yourself accountable and getting back up each time you fall. “There’s no such thing as a failure who keeps trying…” Remember that. And good lord woman, buy you some food so you don’t have to keep going out to your triggering restaurants! At least for the first 30 days. 🙂

  2. Debbie says:

    Thanks! You’re right, you’re right — I need to just make room in that tiny fridge for some good, already made foods!

  3. byebyebeer says:

    Those hours between work and bedtime were brutal in the early months. I took up sweetened iced coffee and smoked too much. Obviously not suggesting the latter especially, but creating new treats and routines helped me get me through it. Happy to report they’re just normal times of the day now. It does happen, just be patient and kind to yourself. It’s really hard work.

  4. byebyebeer says:

    p.s. Love your page backdrop. If only I were on a beach right now 🙂

    • Debbie says:

      Just knowing it will get easier with every passing day helps! I quit smoking in 1991. That had as many or more starts and stops but seemed so much easier than what I’m going through right now.

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