Crap…..does the need, want, desire, insanity, urge ever STOP? All I’ve thought about this afternoon is having drinks when I get off work. Why? Why? Why? I’ve tried to eat something, but it hasn’t worked. Of course, it was just some string cheese. Maybe I need something more substantial? I ate a handful of Skittles. That didn’t work either. Probably only helped to exacerbate the problem. I have no big plans this weekend. My ribs hurt today so I canceled my bootcamp session for tomorrow. I certainly don’t want my injury to get any worse. Although canceling my workout may help with my healing, it’s probably not the best idea when it comes to keeping sober – giving myself latitude to do something stupid because I have nothing else to do. I am rationalizing all over the place. Damn it.
It was suggested I write down 20 reasons I quit drinking and make it a point to re-read these and add more when I’m in this current state of ‘gotta have it.’ Well, I’ll give that a try and continue to read everyone’s wonderful, uplifting, and heartfelt posts in hopes it reminds me of how much better I’ll feel when I don’t let Crazy win. Unfortunately, once Crazy wins, I’m back to day one. It’s sad, really, that no matter how many points Sensible racks up on the counter, one win for Crazy puts it back to 0. That sucks.