addiction

When I drink heavily, I bite my nails. I had never bitten my fingernails, ever, until I began drinking more in the last few years. It’s a disgusting habit. My nails are already thin and ridged and hard to care for, but now they are just down right ugly. I’ve tried to wear the acrylic and gel nails. They look great and make me feel “put together” but if I consume too much alcohol, I will break them off which really f*@ks them up.

Don’t know where I was going with that. No where actually. It just really bugs me that I do that when I drink.

Today is another clean slate day. I have a lot of those. I really have to be in the right mind set make it through Day 1. I can tell today is not one of them. I feel the urge for a Macaroni Grill happy hour dinner with drinks coming on.

I remember when I quit smoking. I had tried for years. I even quit when I was pregnant, but to actually stay off them, not a chance. Then, one day, I just had enough. No special reason, no commitment to a date. I smoked the last one in the pack and I was done. It was a Thursday in June at around 11am. Astonishingly, I had minimal withdrawal symptoms. I did cheat about 2 weeks out after I had been robbed. (That was my excuse for opening a 40 and buying a pack) They tasted horrible. I cheated again in December and continued into March and thought, what the hell am I doing? So I quit again – cold turkey. About 3 years later, I was drinking – ha, imagine that – and partying and decided to have a few. Yuck. It’s been a total of 22 years this June.

I am thankful and fortunate that I did not get involved in drugs. I purposefully stayed away from them because I KNEW I would become addicted. No one had to tell me twice. Alcohol is a big enough addiction without adding another.

It’s all a mind set. Once I get the focus back I’ll be ready to start again.

Day 0

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3 Responses to addiction

  1. fern says:

    Me too! I totally understand. I bite my nails when I get drunk, too. I don’t feel the pain until the next day when the tender parts are exposed and raw. I’ll put band aids on the nails at night with antibiotic so they don’t sting so much. Oh, man the messed up stuff we do. I’m sober over 60 days and my nails actually look good! They are strong and long enough to put color on (if I had the desire). One more reason for me to not drink. That isn’t to say I don’t want to because today I’d like to down an entire 1.5 liter bottle of wine. But, I won’t because I might end up doing it every day again.

    Fern

    • Debbie says:

      It’s crazy that I think I’m the only one with that problem and then you write. Helps me to feel so not alone. Thanks Fern.

      • fern says:

        I know. I’ve never ever read that anyone else did that when they drank — I seriously thought I was the only one and way too embarrassed to write about it. Here’s the thing, though, for me I’m always hyper aware of what I’m doing so me biting my nails to shit was a sign I let my guard down when I drank. Paid for it the next day by feeling stupid but it was helping me at the time.

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