I’m thinking it’s time. Time to let all my friends and family hear the truth and see the ugly side. I have been debating back and forth for the past few years whether I should put my life out there for all to see (via blogging.) I mean really putting it out there. Not just chit chat about the day’s events. What I plan to do is a scary, scary thing. By doing so, I may be judged and pitied, but I’ll mostly be humiliated. I will be exposing myself for the betterment of me. I feel a strong need to talk about what’s going on and possibly why. I can’t know the response I will get from those close to me, and to be honest, I fear it. I fear they will think less of me, think me weak and forever look at me differently. But I have to do this.
I’ve lost sight of who I am. Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever really known. I do know that my insecurities, self-doubt, guilt and fear of rejection started early on. As I blog more, I will talk about these things in hopes of being able to put them all behind me and move forward. And try as I might, to put in as much humor with the truth as possible! No one likes a “Debbie Downer.”
So many issues, so little time.
My name is Debbie, and I am an alcoholic.
I hope alcoholism really is a disease, because if it’s not, then I would really feel like a failure. Trying for years to drink in moderation or just quit and never being able to. I quit smoking and that was an addiction – how come I can’t drink in moderation or just quit?
My life has had its boo-hoo’s, none any different or worse than yours I’m pretty sure. I may just have enjoyed my boo-hooing more than you did. Mine included Bombay Sapphire martini’s extra dry or a bottle (or 2) of ~inexpensive~ Concha y Torro Cab/Merlot blend or some Jack and Coke or. . . . . And, the pity party just never ended. As long as the party continues, so does the drinking.
My pity party has now ended.
That being said, I reach out to all of you who are recovering alcoholics for help and guidance. Besides becoming sober, my hope is that this blog reaches people I don’t even know. That by spilling my guts, others going through the denial of being an alcoholic can have an “ah-ha” moment by something I’ve said and shared, and we can turn our lives around together.
Let the journey begin.